catching up

I haven't post in long... No particular reasons, just a regular life, with lots to do!
I just had 2 whole days off :) Happy memorial day everyone!!

I love grilling! Mr L. does grilled asparagus, which are divine. He is awesome at grilling anything (meat, veggies, even polenta!)

My cycle should be over now, so I took a pregnancy test this morning: negative :(
Oh well it's just our first real trying...
Also in the last ccl magazine there was an article about "cycle variants".
here are some parts of the article that I found interesting:
" It is very tempting for young women to presume they will experience "text-book" fertility cycles. It only stands to reason : they are young and in the prime of their fertility [...] The ideal NFP chart, however is often not experienced.[...] Dr Brown's finding have led him to conclude that many cycle irregularities experienced by young women should be considered normal. [...]" Cycle variants should not be considered as abnormal; they are normal response to the environment to ensure that pregnancy does not occur under very unfavorable conditions for the mother and fetus." ...[...] cycle varients occuring in a young woman's cycle are nature wake-up calls; something is out of order within the woman's life: too much stress, too little nutritious food, too much or too little excersice, too little sleep etc."

I thought it was really interesting to read that on my second 38+ days cycle in a row...
I finally accepted that hubby is right and I put too much pressure on myself at work. The management is very unclear and there are many contradictory demands every week or more often. This and my crazy hours ( 30 hours over 6 days, mainly on saturdays and evenings..) make sense: I'm indeed under some stress.

This week I also learned something important. I learned that saying " I'm sorry" is actually useful. For some weird reason I always saw the "forgive me " thing as something to do to make yourself feel better: I recognise I hurt you, I feel bad to have you feel this way, I won't do it again...
Until last week when my co-worker apologized to me, and I felt better. :) It was a really new experience for me (I'm 25!!!).
I was resentful because of some small things that happened recently (mainly a lack of communication on schedules and a lack of recognition) and I mentioned the dysfunctions to her, and she minimized it, which made me feel even more resentful.. Then it was my day off, and got over it at some point. But when I came to work the following morning, my coworker came to me and said " Oh I'm glad you're here, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for what happened the other day, I wasn't aware you didn't know you would be alone..." or something like that. I felt like 200 lbs flying off me :)

Apologies feel good sometimes. :) I'm glad I now understand how it works both ways..

I make noodle necklaces for God...

...and I'm not ashamed of it.
There are noodles in my life. Especially stubborned judgmental persons that I meet every now and then. I suppose I got them on their bad days.. In French an annoying/close-minded /lazy person is called " nouille" (that's the kid friendly word). I'm unsure if the english word "noodle" has the same connotation...

Anyway when I need patience/courage in a situation , especially when someone is really being a pain #@%!@# my last resort before screaming and crying or running away is to make noodle necklaces for God.
The catholic tradition calls it "offering it up".
I like the idea of noodle necklaces because I had a hard time understanding the idea of offering your suffering. But I like the idea that the ugly moment I'm living can be collected as a noodle. A plain old useless noodle. When you add them together patiently and with some creativity they can turn into a cool necklace :)
I know I can be the centerpiece of some other people's necklaces.. It helps me keep it real. Even annoying times bring us closer to God, all we have to do is collect all those moments on the string of our patience, and offer it up . ;)

the worst-case scenario: How I deal with money concerns...

... and any kind of concerns.
When I feel worried about something, first of all, I take some quiet time: a morning walk, sitting down in a quiet room, in the restroom if I have no other option. I also try to cut myself away from anxious persons. Husband for example. If we are both worried and anxious, I know I will need at least 5 minutes by myself to clear my mind about it.

Then I analyze the situation: what's at stake? what is the worst case scenario? what is the second worst case scenario? What will probably happen?(optimists can add here a Best case scenario)
Only then I wonder what I can do about it. I review all resources possible, and options and solutions possible, even if they are only partial. And I do it for the different scenario mentioned above.
Once I find something I can do to limit bad consequences, or avoid the problem all together, I start whatever work it involves. Sometimes all you can do it wait and see... well then stop worrying, because that won't bring you anything. I know it's easier said than done, but you can really work on it:
-Focus on something that works in your life (family life, friends...)
-Learn more about your situation and ways to get help (like career counselors, money management workshops or websites).

At last, and with much precaution, I add a review of "what I COULD have done before..?" much precautions because you can't redo the past and my philosophy tends to be "assume and deal with it", "what's next?". BUT it's a good thing, sometimes, to get lessons from a bad decision, or to learn not to rely on this or that, or not to trust this particular person too easily..

So to sum it up:

step 1: get some quiet.
step 2: analyze the situation.
step 3: review your options.
step 4: act appropriately.
step 5: let time do its job and learn to relax.
(step 6: make a note to yourself so it doesn't happen again)

An example:
We are planning for a second celebration of our wedding, in France, with all my family.
Recently a big part of our budget has been jeopardized.
DH was really upset, nervous and anxious about that money. I totally understand him. He did the work he was asked to and doesn't see the money coming as scheduled. (Only a little part of it).
That was a bad evening for us. I felt bad for him, upset about his bad mood when I had so much to tell him, and I actually got anxious about it too.

step 1: the quiet.
we walked to the next train station. This gave me some quiet time. He was too worry to notice that we were both quiet. During that walk I took time to breathe, think about all the good things in my day, and analyze the situation.

Step 2: the analysis.
there is obviously an emotional level: "all work deserve salary". I felt bad that the payment my husband was expecting was delayed. He felt betrayed.
And there is the economic problem of course: how are we going to finance the celebration??
worst case scenario: we don't get the money. DH complains and somehow gets fired. (I know it sounds pretty dramatic but it could be a worst case scenario)
second worst case scenario: We don't get the money.
what will probably happen: we get part of the money on time. Or even all of it. :)
(yeah I'm an optimist).
As it's a lot of money (5000+) we were planning on using some of it to move, because DH has bad credit and I don't have any, cash would be our only way to get an apartment...

Step 3: our options

We quickly discarded the "fired" option, but we considered it. Mr. L. is lucky enough that his boss really needs him, and even things went THIS bad, he could find a job to live by while looking for a better employer.
I felt relieved that even in the worst of all scenarios the end result is fine.
Discussing it helped DH getting rid of some tensions.
Name your fears, face them, and they will lose most of their power on you. :)
What about worst #2: we don't get any more money.
Well let's see: we already bought our plane tickets, with previous savings. We already sent the invitations and we already booked a place and church. So we can't cancel. But on the bright side we still have some money on my french savings, and from family. We would need to cancel the jazz band and find a way to feed everyone on a tight budget, and we would not have pocket money to rent a car and visit while in France.
It doesn't sound that bad at all! Basically that would mean getting a computer for the music, and asking everyone to bring a dish to share. I think it's fine. :)

Then what will probably happen: we get the money a later than scheduled. Then we can prepare a nice buffet with some wine and cider, and get a band.

About the cash for appartement, we have a few more months ahead, so we can be very careful with savings in the meantime and get 6 months of rent in cash (instead of a full year). We can also reduce our ambitions about apartment.

Step 4: what can I do?
For each scenario I will need to communicate with my family in France, and get their help and advices. I would go with option 2 and 3 only. So I start planning with option 2, considering we won't get the rest of the money. I'm thinking of a way that is flexible enough, so that if/when money comes we can add things. :) For example I'm looking for someone to lend us a good sound system to plug on a computer, so we can have music anyway. And if we can hire the band we can still use the computer for a little cute slideshow..
I can tell Mr. L. all my thoughts so he doesn't get stuck in his bad feelings...

Step 5: relax.
Once you did your best according to your resources, learn to relax. If there is nothing more you can do, don't waste your time and energy feeling bad about it.
I felt good about my possible options. It was much harder for hubby, but we talked a lot, I rubbed his back a little. And he realized that what matters is to have a nice family gathering, even if we don't have a fun band to entertain, and if we eat only pasta salad on paper plates.

Step 6: lessons

Work on that saving funds. We now have some, but not enough in case of job loss or big illness.
Not to accept extra work from that person.


The worst case scenario method helps me a lot, on a weekly or daily basis, to feel better about my work or decisions. It also helps me keep in mind what really matters, because these are the things I can always rely on, no matter what: some personal skills, my husband, and my family.
It sounds weird to put personal skills on the same level as family, but really I do count on it.
For example if I lose my job, I can try to do French tutoring, I will have my husband's support, and if it's really bad we can go to my parents and start from scratch again. This gives me some confidence. And much happiness.

Here is how I learned about the worst case scenario:

Lord,
grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

first few months at my new school :)

I started the school of marriage in October.
I've learn many things since then.
I don't want to do too much of : " look-how-great-my-hubby-is" but still we've already gone a long way!

I've learn to communicate, especially when I'm upset, especially when I feel offended and would like to sulk for the rest of the year (nah!). I'm still not getting good grades in communication, but hey you have to start somewhere. Right now I reduced the sulking time to 30 min or less... AND I sometimes take the initiative of telling that something made me feel bad, instead of waiting the inevitable question: " are you sure you're ok? Because you look upset"

I've learn to share.
This has been a real surprise, because I thought I was sharing easily.
But when it comes to food we both had to learn to relax and share.. :)

I've learn to let go.
It's ok if the dinner is not ready when i would like to eat something... or if the clothes are not in the laundry basket every night. We have to adapt to each other's habits, there are some things he got used to (like making the bed) and I had to learn to adapt to his standards too (like sitting soflty! :) )

I've learned to be patient, with myself and with others.
I thought I was doing good, and I realized I could be so selfish. Being married just a few months opened my eyes on all I still have to learn!
But I know I'm in the right school.

7 quick takes... Tuesday!

I've seen people doing 7 quick takes on Fridays, but I haven't come around it in time yet.. So I'll just do my own thing.

-1- I haven't post often recently. Married life is busy. A joyful busy :) Also I tried to limit my time online, and I really like to read some other blogs, so I don't have much time left to post on my own. I also keep in mind that the first reason for this blog is to sort out what's on my mind, so I keep on posting important event, like the women I meet at the pregnancy center.. Last Thursday I was so stirred by this young girl, my hands were cold and shaking...

-2- readings: I haven't got back to my freedom book (Dieu sans idee du mal), but I hope to follow up on that specific point soon. The book is brillant and I'd like to clarify my memories about it. Right now I read Roal Dahl!! Henri Sugar and other short stories. Roald Dahl is a genius. I've read many, if not all, of his books, and I keep finding it refreshing and fun and smart..

-3- I'm working on getting some patience. I've read somewhere that life is not about what you do, but who you serve. In this regard married life is an amazing school!
I learn to go over my laziness, everyday, and put my husband first as often as I can remember it ( I tend to forget my beautiful ideals when I'm hungry and there is chocolate or saussage in the room...)

-4- We have a new housemate! A belgian girl moved in downstairs, where I was before we moved in this part of the house. She is really neat, nice and I'm sure we'll get along very well. We went to visit the neighborhood this morning, we had a good time.

-5- I keep on going to dance. I'm glad I didn't give up. It's hard at times. Especially remembering the movements, AND doing stuff with BOTH your arms and legs. I'm so not coordinated!! I almost gave up in january, because all that was going on in the house (moving 20 boxes from the new girl's room to our bedroom...) and I was just not in the mood for subway. Now it's easier. It gives me a limit time. I know I will leave the house by 4:20 PM so whatever I have to do should be done by then. And when I get home I just enjoy a nice diner with DH :)

-6- We keep up the good habits of eating at home, with at least 2 veggies a meal. I'm proud we can do it! Most of the time of of the veggies is tazatziki:
peel a cucumber, grate it. In a container pour 3 table spoons of yogurt a pinch of salt, a half tea spoon of ground cumin and some paprika. Mix the yogurt and cucumber = TA DA! delicious tzatziki (well an adaptation, teh real kind has garlic and lemon, and no paprika)
So yesterday we had stuffed cabbage again, tonight crepes with bechamel (ficelles picardes) with zucchini on the side. Pretty healthy! :) well I had a spoon of nutella for dessert, and he got reeses' cups... less healthy ;)

-7- I watch the Duggar show. I kind of like them, but I'm quite upset the fact that they make it a show on TLC.
I admire the parents. I love that they defend their beliefs, and raise such a happy family. I think their teens are stunning, self confident and very down-to earth..

Now I wish they would keep it to a more serious documentary, like on a more family oriented network. Or keep it to a book of tips for other large families.
When I say family oriented, I mean not a network that airs "toddlers and tiaras" especially not right after their show. Also they have silly little notes coming on the screen, really on the board of making fun of them.
so anyway I like the Duggar family. I don't think we'll have that many kids. I would be quite open about it I guess... But let's start with one and see from there!
I think they are giving their kids a lot of structure. I'm not sure kids and teens need that much of everything under control, but once again this may be an impression you get on the TV show. I bet in real life it's a lot more relaxed in their house :)
So back to life...

my love story with administration...

Just venting.
I went to get the extended version of my marriage certificate today, so I can register my marriage in France.
I left at 8:30AM.
The city clerk just moved in a new location. I'm so thankful I called last week to find out where they are now...
"(me) - can I get the new address please?
- (fast talking lady) sure 141 w**** street, main floor.
- I'm sorry can you say that again? 141 wall street?
- Yes 141 welss** street.
- I'm sorry I'm not sure I got the street right, wall street? W-A-L-L?
- Are you listening miss? I said W******* street W-O-R-T-H!!!!"

Anyway. So I get there. A big hall, with an empty "information" desk, and a bunch of computers, with the same screens as the social security. So I start trying to get my ticket, so I can get on line. I felt a little weird, so I ask the security guards if it's the right place, and the right thing to do. They send me to an other desk, where the lady send me to yet another place, who send me back to the first "information desk" I saw. But this time there are 2 ladies. I don't know at which moment they appeared..
I fill in some paper work, get the precious ticket and go on line. My number is B516.
Numbers called:
A020
B510
C240

I'm thinking: "youhou! there is only 5 persons before me!"
well I was called 1h10 after I got on line.
Numbers were
A046
B516
C263

So I get my precious paper, 35$. The lady (who, of course, speaks fast) give me a paper and yell something at me.
I'm surprised by her tone, and ask as politely as I can if she can repeat slowly.
I have two more places to visit, to certify my paper.
!!!???
Seriously? They just sold me a paper, but it's no worth before I get, not one, but two certifications on it. From two different offices, in two different buildings.
Welcome to America.

The paper she gave me are more instructions, addresses and fees for the following of the operations.

I make it to the next building. The supreme court. Waouh, I'm super impressed. Is it really necessary??
One more line (it's the theme of my day). For security. They take my camera.
I find the room where I'm supposed to get the first certification. One more line.
This is when my poor husband calls me, to ask if I join them to the inauguration party... hmm no, thanks I'm on my second line of the day. I have no idea how long this is going to take... Poor guy, he felt awful. Next time I'll remember not to answer the phone when my nerves are close to breakdown.

I got lucky, this line was fast, in about 10min it was my turn. I asked the lady why I needed this certification. She was very nice, but she couldn't answer, she said it's procedure. Anyway, she gently sends me to the next line, right there, to pay the fee!
The fee guy gives me printed instruction to walk to the next place.

At this point I'm laughing, this whole thing has turned into a treasure hunt!
And the people of the supreme court building are all extremely nice, polite and helpful. :)

Off I go again, for the third place on my list. I diligently follow the directions.
Outside are about 50 persons watching inauguration on giant screen. But I don't know how long the next line is going to take..
I pass by a dunkin donut. I love DD. I don't go often, but it just makes me feel good, cozy, comforted. Exactly what I need. :) I stop by. But after 30 seconds I realize the line isn't moving, at all. I don't know what we are all waiting for, and I realize this is maybe the one line I don't have to wait on. So I leave empty handed, but feeling good that I didn't stay on THAT line! na!

Next building, the reception man tells me I want an "apostille" on the 19th floor.
Ah? I didn't really know what I was getting. So here I go for my apostille. Security line (no x-ray this time, just sign a log book). I fill in more papers, to the counter, to the fee... What do you mean you take ONLY CASH??

Yes you guessed it, I have to go to the ATM and then come back. I'm glad I found out before I waited on line.
Anyway. I went to the bank, get some money transfered to DH account, get my cash, and back to the 19th floor. Security again, they remembered me :) not too many people over there.

I waited just 15 min to get my paper once I paid. But those 15 min were so long! At the end I was crying. My nerves gave up just after I paid the last fee. I thought I was in for an other hour or so, and I didn't have my cross stitch..
A nice morning off, wasted.
I'm especially upset because this is just paperwork. And all these security lines and papers and apostille and such are not any protection IMO. If you have bad intentions you'll find the weakness in the system. And if you don't have papers you'll get in through a less legal way...

I know I shouldn't take it personnal, but this is seriously ridiculous.
The worst is I'm not done yet. Now I still need to bring th paper to the embassy.
And then apply for a green card. O Joy.

I think the analogy with treasure hunting was the fun part of the day. Then it got borning, then I got desperate.

I need to find some better motivations for the work permit quest. Maybe a nice cross stitch project...

Tonight I have dance, that will help me relax!

the new year's eve miracle :)

Happy new year every one!
May you year bring you fulfilling relationships and serenity!

I spent part of new year's eve at work. I brought brownies, steaks and some veggies to cook for the residents. And also a Hogmanay's black bun that I didn't have time to bake at home.
Actually most of the residents had a night pass to spend the new year with their families. And Sam had an extended permission, to come home at 9PM. SO I ended up alone with Burt.
Burt is a young american guy, he is 21 years old. He has learning disabilities and cannot read very well. he did 6th grade four times before he quit school for his first incarceration. Then in and out. His mom is very harsh on him, she calls him "failure" or "stupid". I'm not trying to give him excuses, but I still think bad decisions start with lack of self-confidence, self-respect and a stable source of love.
So anyway Burt got night pass in the past to stay with his mom or girlfriend (and their 3 years old daughter), but he missed many curfews. As in:
we call our residents at home, on their landline, to make sure they stay home after 9:00PM. We required to do so by the court. I think it's a smart way to reduce occasion of problems.. Anyway Burt misses his curfews. He usually answers the phone at 9:00 PM, but when we call back at 10:00 or 11:00, his mom cannot find him.
On Christmas he went out with "a girl". Because " he is a pretty boy in his prime, he is not gay, he needs to have a girl". Obviously not his girlfriend because we called there too (just in case).
So anyway Burt had to stay home yesterday, and he was upset. He thinks it's an unfair punishment for just a missed phone call. We tried to explain him that this phone call is our only guarantee (if any) that he is not out getting in trouble.. He just doesn't get it. Phonecall.is.not.a.big.deal. He was genuinely doing nothing wrong (could be discussed... but nothing illegal at least).
So here I was with Burt. He was sulking, watching TV, ignoring me and my attempts to cheer him up.
Then the sisters came downstairs (they live on the last floor, in the house) and warmed up what I brought (steaks and hashbrowns) they also brought ketchup.
Miracle ketchup. Burt smiled and said: " oh I didn't know we had ketchup"
and we set up the table in the residents' living room, and ate a little, just Burt, E. sister R. and me.
I think Burt was happy to see a special occasion, just for him, and ketchup was a sign :)
We usually eat downstairs, in the cafetaria, because it's closer ot the stove. We ate all the 4 of us and sister R. did the chit-chat.
Burt was thankful. He complimented me for the cooking (!) and said thank you (!!!!). He even thanked E. again after I left!!
This is my new year's eve miracle. Because Burt is not a thankful person. He is always considering himself like a victime, thinking we try to put him down.
I hope he slowly gets that we care, and we try to help..
That really gave hope for a better 2009.

good resolutions

Yesterday I had difficulties closing my zipper. Ooops. I took 3 pounds!
It's not a big deal, but I still realized I need to be more aware of what I eat.
So I started reading "cycles & nutrition", and I took a vitamin (one a day).
On my way back from the pregnancy center I stopped by the grocery store and I got:
- broccoli
-cabbage
- tangerine
-tomatoes
-frozen artichokes
- frozen squash
- whole wheat flour
-yogurt
-yogurt (with fruits pieces)
and ice cream (just to make it more "balanced")

I got home, and here I am, typing this in front of :
-left over saussage
- spaghetti and tomato sauce

Just because " I don't have enough time"... yeah brocoli takes so much more time than spaghetti to cook... ;)

But oh well now I have all the good resolutions, and veggies to cook with so I have good hope to end up the week better than I started.
I have no goal of weight loss, only vitamin gain, and refitting in clothes.

if I could keep only one (most religious post ever)

A few days ago I was telling about how I came with more books than clothes..
I took pictures of all the books I brought with me, but my husband went to DC with the camera... So here is the one book I would take on a desert island, or on a multiple years long trip to the US:











It's a tiny book called " prayer for the present time" and it is actually the most present book I have ever read :)
It's basically psalms. Mainly and mostly psalms.
What makes it special is that all over the world, anytime of day or night, there is someone praying with it. It's called liturgy of the hours, and all nuns, deacons, priests, and lay people who wish to, open this book between one and 5 times a day, just to pray in communion with the Church.
It's much better than internet IMO ;) Never on technical faillure...
When you've been around that book for a while you start to have your favorites.
Really. They come around like old friends...
Every day has several prayer times: early morning, morning, noon, evening, bedtime.
My favorite one is the bedtime prayer, called in french " Complies" when the day is accomplished :) I like to sing the whole thing.
Recently I haven't prayed the hours very regularly. Only every now and then when I need support and I don't find it in my parish. It's like my SOS portable parish. When I open it I know I'm not the only one out there praying for those intentions.

Someone said one day : '' the natural second language for a catholic is not latin, it's the psalms"
I found it to be so true. Whatever my feelings are, when I can't put my own words on it, a verse of psalm comes to my mind and expresses it perfectly.

Advent hymn

I've been really sick yesterday. Still fever and weakness. I'm really sorry to be sick, we had great plans for the week end: preparing costumes for a nativity scene with the CCD kids, Christmas party with the young couples of Phil's Church yesterday, and ecumenical discussion today after service... And I'm in bed for 2 days instead, sleeping hours in a row!
Singing makes me feel better, not too much singing but just a slow rhythm, like an advent hymn :)
here is my favorite one:

Vienne la rosée sur la terre,

Naisse l'espérance en nos cœurs,

Brille dans la nuit la lumière :

Bientôt va germer le Sauveur.

Au désert un cri s'élève:

Préparez les voies du Seigneur

Berger d'Israël, tends l'oreille,

Descends vite à notre secours;

Et nos yeux verront tes merveilles,

Nos voix chanteront ton amour.

Fille de Sion, tressaille,

Le Seigneur déjà vient vers toi.

Réveille, ô Seigneur, ta vaillance

Établis ton règne de paix;

Que les peuples voient ta puissance,

Acclament ton Nom à jamais.

L'univers attend ta gloire,

Et nous préparons ton retour.

Come the dew on earth,
Let hope be born in our hearts,
Shine the light in the darkness,
Soon our Savior will raise.
In the desert a cry is heard:
Prepare the ways of the Lord.

Isreal's Shephard listen
and come quick to our rescue
and our eyes will see your wonders
our voices will sing your Love.
Daughter of Sion leap with joy
The Lord is already coming to you.

O Lord wake up your strength,
Come your reign of Peace,
May the nations see your might,
sing praise to your name forever.
The world is awaiting your glory,
and we are preparing for your return.

The melody is so beautiful. I know there is an hymn in english that goes on the same tune, but I don't remember its name...
I'll look into it when I feel better.
In the meantime you can enjoy the rorate caeli... :)

Morning person: blessing or damnation?

I was reading a little bit on conversion diary, and I found those:

Questions for Morning People

1. If you didn't have any obligations, what time would you go to bed at night?
   
2. Assuming the bedtime from #1, if you didn't set an alarm, what time would you naturally wake up in the morning?
3. If you have gotten a good amount of sleep the night before, how long does it take you to feel energized and ready to go after you wake up? Or do you just feel like jumping out of bed as soon as you open your eyes?
4. If you have not gotten a good amount of sleep the night before, do you still feel peppy in the morning? If you do feel tired upon waking, how long until you feel more fully awake?
5. Have you ever in your life felt alert and fully ready to get up as soon as you awoke?
6. Do you like being a morning person? Don't you ever look out your window and think, "Aaah, this is awful, I'm awake and the sun is barely up! Why aren't I asleep?!"

1. I would go to bed at 9:00 PM or 9:30PM, read a little bit, chat with DH and sleep by 10 or 10:30. Most of the time when I'm not out we actually go to bed around 10:00PM which is pretty good :)

2. I wake up around 6 or 7AM

3. I just jump right out of the bed, crazy with happiness and grateful for the new day.

4. when I didn't have enough sleep, I wake up fresh and early anyway. I pay for it in the evening, being exhausted at 6 PM or so. If it was a very big lack of sleep I can sometimes go back to sleep. Like until 8:30 AM and same I feel great when i wake up. But if I sleep past 9 AM I have a bad morning, feeling sick or tired.

5. Yes this is how it is.

6. I'm very happy to be a morning person. But I must admit sometimes it's a little annoying. I can see my husband happily sleeping, smiling like a baby if I pet his hair, but I don't want to wake him up.. So I'm a little lonely. It was even worse when I was a teen. I would go to parties and sleep over. And wake up with the sun at 6 AM. Stuck in a house full of sleeping teens. And nothing would happen until 11 AM! Sometimes i would go for a walk, or clean up or read books or go buy fresh bread and croissants for breakfast :)

Something VERY important she forgot in her questions: what about breakfast?

I love breakfast. I'm so happy with America because you guys take breakfast seriously! Eggs and grits and milk and juice and all deliciousness from Heaven.How did I live without american breakfast? I cannot skip that meal.

The only problem when you are a morning person with a social life at work, is that most of your co-workers are not. Which means loneliness again: alone at work from 8 to 10 AM. But worse. The only one hungry at 11:30 AM, when everyone else had breakfast at 10!! So my coworkers go for lunch break between 1Pm and 2 PM. This is too late for my starving stomach, despite the wonderful 2 eggs sunny side up with toast and jam and an apple and milk... from 6:30AM!

I love being a morning person because mornings are quiet, full of promises for the day, peaceful and beautiful.

And gold. :)

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
so dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

(in case you didn't know it, Robert Frost)

Happy Advent!

Today is the first Sunday of Advent!

Most of my favorite hymns are advent hymns.
I would like to share some of them during the coming Sundays.

I know them in French, sometimes i even know the melody to sing them.
For this specific one I just know the words, they are beautiful:

Voici le temps du long désir

Où l’homme apprend son indigence,
Chemin creusé pour accueillir
Celui qui vient pour combler les pauvres.

Pourquoi l’absence dans la nuit,
Le poids du doute et nos blessures,
Sinon pour mieux crier vers Lui,
Pour mieux tenir dans l’espérance ?

Et si nos mains pour t’appeler
Sont trop fermées sur nos richesses,
Seigneur Jésus dépouille-les
Pour les ouvrir à ta rencontre.

L’amour en nous devancera
Le temps nouveau que cherche l’homme ;
Vainqueur du mal, tu nous diras :
“ Je suis présent dans votre attente “.

Now starts the time of longing desire
When men learn their indigence
a way dug to receive
the One that will satisfy the poor.

Why absence in the night
the weight of our doubts and our wounds?
why if not to call louder for Him,
to hold on in hope?

And if our hands, to call for You,
are to tights on our belongings
Lord Jesus empty them,
to open them for your encounter.

The love in us will be ahead
in this new times we are longing for
Victorious on evil you will tell us

I hope this makes sense in English, it's a really beautiful poem-hymn about hope and wait.
Have a happy advent!

my mom

My mom is wonderful :)
I admire her a lot.
She is optimist, I think it';s something genetic in her family, on the x chromosome, so girls get more of it :)
you probably know that text of the letter to the Corinthians:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Well one day a priest told me to replace Love with my name, and try to live that as much as possible.
I still try, but my mom succeeded. Not as in championship success.
She is patient and kind, does not envy or boast. Never proud or rude or selfish or anything like that.
I don't want copy my mom, we have different opinions on many things, different ways to carry on with life, but I sure want to be like her.
I was reading a touching post the other day, and I was thinking about the nice things that I've learned from my parents.
My mom has been a teacher for almost 40 years, 25 of them in the same high school. She had good years and bad years. She was so happy to retire ( last summer) She really deserves it. She's been heroic with her students recently:
less support from hierarchy, more aggressivity from youngsters...
She's been married to my father for more than 25 years too.. She stayed with him through illness and sickness, and he had PLENTY, chronic and irreversible ones.. One day I was telling her, and she said :
" well that could be worse! He could be in the coma, or have eilzeimer(? the disease where you end up forgetting people..) "
This is even more heroic when you know my dad was in psychiatric hospital that day, with a serious heart dysfunction on top of that...

So yep, I've read somewhere that having your parents still married increases your chances to never get divorced.
When I think of my mom I know why, on bad days she thinks of all the good days, and she knows there will be better ones, and that it could be even worse :)

I love my mom :)

this is us, at my cousin's wedding in august 2008