Monday ramblings

I think the title part should be optional in blogging, so when you have something to say you could pick a nice intriguing name, and when you just feel like sharing your daily nonsense with the world there would be no title, only the ramblings, no introduction, no conclusion..

Anyway on with the tour..
hallway looks fine, we'd need one of those shoe tree because those little white plastic box are not enough and shoes pile up on the side of the couch.
This is the downstairs bathroom, which is also the way to get downstairs.. I'd like to install more bookshelves on that narrow wall.
An other view in the bathroom, hamper, clothe line and the iron board. We found a beautiful cabinet in Ikea yesterday which could go right here..
Oh look what I found in the kitchen! :) He makes beautiful smiles, but the camera worries him a bit, that is a mixed smile...


And now... the masterpiece ;)

Thankfully I don't have the clean living room syndrom, otherwise I'd be good for psychiatric hospital!
You want the same at home, here are a few easy steps to follow:
-decide to tackle the wire problem in your room. Move the TV from the fireplace to the built-in shelf.
-in order to fit the TV in there remove a shelf.
-Place all the content of said shelf on the table. Add a leave to the table to ensure maximum surface for spreading the goods.
-Have a fun little trip to ikea and bring it all in the living room.
-order also a bunch of stuff on line and gather all deliveries in said room.
-Make sure you take out jackets and warm clothes in the living room and gracefully display winter items on seating areas.
-begin a half dozen cross-stitch christmas projects and leave them all on different parts of the floor.
The finish touch is achieve by rescuing a full load of laundry from the rain, letting it there to sit in humidity until it needs rewashing.
Tadah! ;)

Why do I care to post about home decoration?
I've watched lots of HGTV online this past week, I like especially the cheaper design kind (design on a dime or designed to sell), where they reuse and repurpose lots of stuff.
I have also been thinking of looking for a job but I would like to have a functional house first.
So I'm trying to think through ways to make it work, so that I don't have to spend hours cleaning and organizing each evening. At the moment some cabinets are like jigsaw puzzles, to reach the blue sweater you have to take out the pile of t-shirts and 5 jeans.. To get the can of tuna you need to remove the cardbox that overflows with pasta of all kinds, 3 packages of which are opened and threatening to pour their contents on the floors.. to get the cross stitich box you should take out the papers, important papers folders and the pen box and then put them back, in this order otherwise it won't fit...
blahhhhhhhhhh..
So my current priorities:
-lose weight
-get storage that works for us
-get to the driving school at least 3 times a week.

Skills assessments 2

During the skill assessment session the lady helped me go over my resume to see what jobs I really enjoyed, what I liked about them, my priorities today and what kind of job would match all those criteria.

My priorities are: getting a family friendly schedule and having a salary worth the commute. Hours and money. This screams work in an office..
So I register in a couple agencies to be hostess, receptionist, secretary and such...

While sending my application to different places I realized there was no amount of money that would motivate me to work full time in a boring agency answering phone calls and waiting for the day to be over so I can pick up a lonely baby and put him to bed only to send him back to day care at the crack of dawn...


So I looked more into retirement homes and decided that would be a good compromise: I can do something I care about, get flexible hours, a reasonable paycheck...
I thought about teaching too, but it's minimum wage, and I know how much work is involved, and sorry but this is not the time in my life when I am going to invest this much energy outside of my home and barely break even at the end of the month.

Anyway. So I went back to the counselor with many questions about what kind of jobs I can find in a retirement home and how to get somewhat involved in decision making processes and organisation. And she found the PERFECT program for me. It's a formation to become manager, only just for a section. Not the big boss business formation, the coordinator. :) And I love this idea.
Bonus: it's not only for retirment homes. It's for any social institution: reinsertion, handicapped children/adults, homeless centers... any social centers.
It has a cute name: CAFERUIS. like a good comforting drink...


Now I am researching this formation because it's pretty unknown of the wide public. I hope I can find something that let me have some family time.. Or some books that I could start reading before the baby is born...

Now I am more at peace with the idea of working.

Skills assessments

I have been going weekly to see a career counsellor with the unemployment agency of France. It's been going really well :)
It's a little bit like reading my great book : what color is your parachute?
but much more... superficial! So it goes much faster..
Also some weeks I haven't done much of what I was supposed to do, but that helps me see what I really care about (what I did) and what is not a priority in my life just yet..(and I didn't do!).
The skills assessment is great because I HAD TO face a major conflict of interest that I was avoiding for too long:
-stay at home or - work.

If it was only financial it would not be so hard I guess.. But it's more than this.
It's also about models and images. It took me a long time, but now I understand what someone was once saying about being a supermom and doing what is expected. I was wondering where those images come from, I don't know such a woman... And little by little I came to realize I see those models everywhere too now. If I read a blog about this lady who homeschools her kids, and documents it with application, I only remember this. Then the next documentary is about canning, and I see only this aspect, perfectly well mastered, of an other lady's life.. Little by little I get a mozaic picture of only perfect aspects of other people's lives and I feel like I'm expected to match up.. Self pressure? Media pressure? I don't know...
So currently by my acquaintances, readings and watching of various videos (thanks God I don't have tv) I have two pictures perfect opposing each other:

the stay-at-home american mom

and the do-it-all French perfect mom. And yes she works full time.
And smokes during breaks. And wears a size 4.


Obviously it's WAY easier for me to identify with the stay at home mom!!

-First of all I want to spend time home and take care of my child(-ren)!
I have no desire to leave at 7am and pick a poor tired kid at 7or 8 pm after a long boring day at work..
-Second I actually like the household stuff. I love cooking. I like doing menus to balance our meals and budget.. I even like cleaning!!
(As a kid one of my favorite game was to steal my mom's lipstick and write on a mirror, then I would take the windex and pretend I'm a commercial add: "see this dirty mirror? In no time, windex cleans it all!" ) Anyways...
-Lastly I can't get bored. I would love to developp skills like sewing and gardening, which require time and practice... And I easily get involved in local groups, like church and such so I would have a minimum of social life..


But there is indeed more social pressure to work in France. Well at least I feel it more here. Maybe it's the family. Working is the way to go.
Staying at home is an option, but not a career.
There is a law especially to give years off for young mothers with the guarantee of a job afterward. You take a parental leave. 1 year for the first kid, and then up to 3 years for the following ones.. So as long as you have a kid under 3 years old you can stay home. That is neat. :) BUT staying home and not even thinking of work or going back to it is not an option. Well maybe it is but it would just be weird in french people minds.

An other reason to motivate me towards work is recognition. (Pride?) To be acknowledged as able to do a job, if possible somewhat esteemed, feeling some accomplishment outside of the house.. But honestly if at the end of my life I can say I raised this one kid to be a happy, loving human being, that would be my best accomplishment...

Yet I am leaning towards working in a near future.
More on this later.

I have a nephew! :)

My nephew, Mathieu, was born yesterday at 3pm. He is my sister's second son and she is so happy!
My mom went to visit them today, and I stayed home with my dad. I'm dying to see this cute tiny bundle of joy but I figured my sister would appreciate some privacy..

And I got to spend a day with my dad which was really nice.
He talked a lot!! :D
I made him an apricot cake for snack and we had a great time, with 2 session of walking in the fresh air! This is big as my dad really isn't in a good shape. He walks very slowly.

A few updates:
I can feel the baby all the time now. I love it so much. At the begining a few weeks ago I wasn't sure because it was so soft, and my Ob-gyn told me it was too early to feel it anyway... but it's getting stronger :) And I lost trust in my Ob-gyn. Which isn't a big deal as I will see her last in 2 weeks, if I even go at all. Next appointement for me will be Saturday for the sonogram (other doc) and in a month at the hospital with the delivery team! :)
I have had a couple contractions here and there but nothing alarming so far...

I have a new bra. Ok it sounds like private info, but actually it is PUBLIC INTEREST to know how relieved I feel.
Please if your back hurts, if your shoulders are sore by the end of the day, check your bra!!!
It's an amazing difference to have something fitting. I'm like 20lbs lighter!

I went to see the skills assessment lady today again. We talked some more about options, what I can do for now, what to do after the baby is here.. It became clear that deep down I do not want to leave the baby.. But if we have to in the best interest of everyone within a few years I'll do it.. I'm also looking into being a nanny (that is people brng kids to my home and pick them up after work) but I'm not crazy about it, as I will have a new born. So the other options are finding something very close by, or being a teacher or doing a part-time job.
The part time thing sounds good, as in the least bad. So we're progressing.

I have a date :) Tomorrow night we booked a table in an ivorian restaurant in Paris. I will also have lunch with a friend. She was my confirmation sponsor so she promised me a light fare, like "fasting " together... I love her for that.
But I'm still going to the restaurant at night! ;)

the ooopsie update

Still no camera here, so no pics.. :(

The lady of the interview I went to wednesday said she'd call me by the end of today. It's 5 pm here so the working day is more or less over and I didn't hear back from them. It was only a stage (= job experiment) so it's no big deal.
I am happy that I got back in the mood of looking for a job.

Thursday I went to a job search counseling service, I am going to meet the lady once a week for 6 weeks to assess my skills and find a profile of job I could fit in so I'm pretty excited about that.

Today I went to the ob-gyn again, she spent 20 min reading my blood tests results because she couldn't find one specific line. Finally she found it! :) Then she took my blood pressure, which is good she said (12/7 but I don't know what it means!) and listened to the baby's heart. Her doppler didn't work so she had to turn on the sonogram! YAY! :D I got to see my baby again. So cute!!!
His (in french A baby is neutral= masculine gender) heartbeat was good too.
Next sonogram in two weeks! A real one this time, for the 22 weeks mark.

Oh and the oopsie of the title: I put on 6 lbs in 2 weeks! OOOOOOOPS.
I did a really good job to put on NOTHING for the first 4 months, so I need to get back on track. The gyn told me to cut out ALL sugars. And to eat slowsugars with everymeal (slowsugars are grains, bread, pasta etc..)
So here I am :( No more jams and pains au chocolat (=chocolate croissants).
I need to get lots of fruits to snack on, otherwise I'll just eat delicious chocolate flans all day.. :)
And I mentally just signed myself up for a daily walk in that beautiful park across the street. I just need to get some warm socks!

I have an interview!

Today!!! This afternoon in Paris I meet with a lady to talk about a job experiment of about 3-4 months as Public Relations!! :)
I am excited! I may not get the job, but at least she deemed my resume good enough to give it a try!
I also have an appointement tomorrow afternoon with a career counsellor to assess my skills.
It is just beyond my expectations, because I have 0 stress:
-we have enough money to live by so there is no stress of NEEDING this job.
-I am pregnant so if I don't get it I can focus on the baby.
-I am pregnant so I don't hope for a full time job afterwards.

I'm just plain happy, and motivated about finding what to do with a professional life.

Work...

When I get back to France I will hopefully be able to work for a few months as temp. The good think about temp job is that I won't feel bad to start a job at 6months pregnant :) The second positive aspect is that I can stay off for maternity as long as we can afford it without the pressure of a stable position to get back too.
But after some time I will have to face it: I don't know what to do with my professional life!!! I would really like to work in a retirement home, but I promised Mr L I would not work evenings and week ends again. And I think I made this promise to myself too.
Ideally I would love to stay at home, but I don't know how possible this will be on the long run. So I was thinking of teaching. I was a school teacher for a very short time. I did not like the formation I received. I think it was not preparing me for anything. Really. And I was lost with some classes, if the kids didn't take on my nice introduction I would get really nervous and keep talking on and on, just telling them instead of making them do the work.. Not an easy work. But I did like it..
I think starting as a substitute teacher would probably be the best for me, I could see a few different classes, grades, teachers' methods, without all the pressure from the parents, because well a sub is temporary.
I don't know if I'm approaching professional life with the right angle though. I want to find a job that would fit me, that I would like to do and that will give me plenty of family time.. I don't know if such a thing exists!
I guess I have time to think about it :)

somewhere in the rainbow of possibilities

Growing up my parents lived in a house in the middle of a relatively quiet neigborhood. The next block was the park. The other way the next blocks were projects. The wonderful thing when you're a kid is that EVERYTHING is normal. It's just the way things are, we don't compare or judge, we don't feel proud or guilty about the way we live and do things. Slowly our neighborhood changed, the projects became " bad" and ill-reputed. We stopped playing at the park because there were seringes in the sand box and exhibitionists in the shaded alleys. But I didn't care, I was a kid, all I wanted was to play, and we simply changed the locations of our games to the next door house empty lot. (for french speaker, this song is quite relevant)
Living in the Bronx as an adult I started judging. As a kid I loved it anywhere I was. As an adult I got upset to see people throwing garbage on the ground, just 2 feet away from the garbage can. I got sad when I saw parents screaming at their kids or ignoring them so they could chat on the phone longer. I got discouraged at work when I saw people getting material help and free metro cards getting in a cab to head home. I got frustrated when some residents buy chinese food 3 nights in a row and can't pay the stamp to get their birthcertificate.
I became judgmental.
In New York I also became more self conscious. I felt bad when we went out for diner in a nice fancy restaurant, went to see a movie in a theater and took a cab home, the whole evening over 100$. I felt guilty.
In Mr. L's church on 5th avenue I met people dressed entirely with designer clothes, for whom eating out is the norm, and who never take the subway. None of them was overtly looking down, but some maybe.. Or maybe I'm paranoiac.. I became self-conscious.
It's so hard to fit. With my thrift store-Ann Taylor and Target clothes I would look WAY over dressed in the Bronx, and under dressed at church..
I don't think this are New York dilemas. I think this is just adult life.
Everything is a decision: do I give money to this homeless guy, or should I ignore him because there are organizations to help, should I direct him to them and raise my annual donation? Or will he get mad and start beating me up?
Should I get this 100$ suit and look professional and put together? Or should I look more to find something similar cheaper?
Should we get a bed in Ikea? or in a furniture store which will provide better quality?

I don't know where I belong just yet, somewhere between anything-goes and super-fancy, somewhere between very socially involved and very private-family centered.
I don't know what field, what kind of job I will look for next.

But I'm thankful I have values, and an unfaillible guideline: Love.

When it rains, it pours...

Well not really. I just like this saying. :)
It has been very stormy around here... I'm a little worried about the garden...

Summary of my adventures these past few days:
- I lost my Dept of Correction ID. :( I felt so bad. It's not that hard to redo but I was very upset to misplace it. I'm VERY careful with papers, that the one thing I don't want to lose. I looked everywhere in my purse, in my office, in my bedroom, in the laundry basket...
And I found it in a book. As a bookmark. Good job Tiphaine! In the library book I was going to return.. I'm glad I found it before I returned it!

-I was working this week end. I took the guys to Ikea again. They just LOVE it. What a success! I must say it's very selfish of me because we have 45 min subway to go to bowling green, and as much on the way back, and that means I can read :) Then the boat is free, and so much fun. Everyone likes it. :) This time we got a funky captain, he put the music loud in the boat, and slowed down when passing by the statue of liberty. Then in Ikea we had some hot dogs, ice creams and cinnamon buns. I kept it to a coffee, because I still have those 15 lbs to lose....
Anyway Ikea is the place to go. :)

- Mr. L. told me my English is not great (he was not being mean, just pointing out some things) so please, please, let me know when I don't make sense... Or what I can improve, especially if it's a recurring problem.

- Still devising what I should do in Chicago: work in some catholic organization? work in ATI? go back to school and get a PhD in linguistics? in Latin? I would love the linguistics studies, but I don't want to go back to school just for the love of studies, I can do that on my own... If I get back to school it has to be to get a job related with the field.
right now I lean towards ATI work. But my number one requirement is " office hours" liek 8-5 Monday-Friday. And I don't know if I can find this...
Oh well I have a few more months to think about it. Anyway I would need a green card, so I won't be able to do anything before 2010.
Yeah for 4 months long holidays! :)

being thankful- a priest that made my life different

Part2 of my week of gratitude for religious persons (part 1 was about a favorite sister). I make it a week because there are many sisters and priests in my life, and even some pastors..
Today I would like to introduce you Father Vincent.

Father Vincent is a wonderful priest whom I met during my third year of college. He was officially in charge of students at the university, and he was doing a great job at it.
Now I had met priests before in my life. But it never occurred to me that they were existing longer than an hour on Sunday mornings, or that they would ever wear something else that a alb and chasuble...
Well Father Vincent was different from any other priest because he talked. He was not only recitating prayers and preaching, he was simply talking with anyone who was there. The student room was a great place where we would share lunch and chit chat in between classes.. The more time I spent there, the more I wanted to go back. I met some of my best friends, and I learned so much about God, Jesus, community and fraternity.
I'm very thankful for Father Vincent because he is a wonderful priest. He simply follows Christ's example of humanity: joyful, prayerful, deep in wisdom and knowledge, and very caring. I don't know any other priest who makes you feel like you matter, for real. I've met many great persons and religious ones, and I know how good they take care of their "flock". But he was not only taking care, he was caring.
Father Vincent is the one who made me understand what fatherhood is about.
There is this one verse of the letter to the Corinthian that always comes to my mind:
"Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel." (1 Cor 4:15)

And indeed I may have dozens of priests that I met since and know by name, he is the one who brought me to a living faith. :)

Sunday was the good Shepherd gospel. The Good Shepherd knows his sheet, and they listen to his voice.
Because a priest took time to talk with me, I took time to listen.
I'm so happy that Father Vincent is now a seminarian teacher. If there is one person to pass down his joy and passion of being a priest, he is the one!


My last year of college he went to Roma to study and get a PhD and I was very honored to read his thesis about the Holy Spirit (about GS 22,5). I'm very glad we kept in touch anyway, he always took the time to follow up on my discerning, to make sure I found some other priest for direction etc. And when we started the marriage preparation I asked him to celebrate in France and he made sure he even gave us skype appointement to receive marriage counselling (more personnal than the diocese group class).

When I pray for vocations I pray that God send us priests like him, who are taking the time to go beyond the shaking hands after service. People who can shake your life with the Gospel.

my favorite sister...

For the week end of prayer for the vocations, Laura had the GREAT idea to post a small tribute to the religious people who made an impression on your life...

I will start with a favorite sister, I will be away this week end but I'd love to schedule an other one for Sunday...

Anyway here goes the story of how I met my favorite sister.

In college we had different buildings for the first two years and the following ones. When I arrived in the nice old building there was a catholic aumonerie across the street. I was tepidly christian, more interested than practicing, and certainly prompt to judge cathlic people, based on mostly ignorance and bad previous experience. I met there some great friends, and a wonderful priest (but that's an other story)..
Bref, during this year we went for a student's pilgrimage to Chartres

It was cool, fun and very spiritual. Truly a life changing experience for me. I went praying for two main intentions: getting some respect for my dad, and clearing things with my boyfriend (unsure as to getting engaged or not).
When I got back my dad quit smocking (the very first sign of will power I ever saw in him) and my boyfriend broke up with me.
Awkwardly that was the BEST month ever. It was Easter and I went to all celebrations...
My life became meaningful and interesting. I was really starting to believe in God and trust Him and it makes all the difference in the world..
"where is the sister? "you're asking... Hang in there one more minute we're getting there.

After that Palm Sunday pilgrimage we had such a good time that we (our little chapter of walk= 5 people) decided to go again, just by ourselves.
We planed the road, and looked for a place to spend the night.
I looked on the yellow pages for sisters to dwell us for a night.
Here I am calling a small community I had never heard of: Filles de Jesus de Kermaria
The lady on the phone had such a sweet voice. She was very soft and nice.
Turned out they just moved in and she barely knew her fellow sisters in the new community, but they took the risk to welcome us for one night.

The lady on the phone was sister Liliane. (YAY in doing this post I found there is a full article about her on their website!!)
She was the first sister I met who was glowing with joy and enthousiasm.
All 4 sisters were happy and positive, peaceful but full of personality.. They were just like every other human being, only a better version.
They really made an impression on me, and the following year when I went for a vocational year I spent a lot of time with them.
I went to Britany with them, for a 2 week stay in their retirment house, I even went to Cameroon to meet other younger sisters and the noviciat.
I would have loved to become one of them. I was somewhat on the way there...
Obviously God had other plans for me :)
But I received so much from their company, I somehow still try to follow their charism, just because it echoed so strongly with what I am deep inside.

Thanks sister Liliane for showing me how happiness is easy, how following God is a joyful way, no matter how hard it gets.

And because it's May I'll post the prayer I say every night, in communion with them:
(and I invite every one, which ever religion you have, to meditate on the "humility which frees us")

Mary, teach us to honour

the Sacred Humanity of your Son,

the Incarnate Word,

with no other desire

than to do the Father's will.

Help us to go forward,

using every available means

to grow in humility which frees us

and in simplicity which leads us to peace,

gentleness and confidence in God.

May we be united to Christ our Lord

and filled with his Spirit

so that we may seek

the Father's glory in all things.

May we, with living faith,

firm hope and glowing charity,

work with Him for the salvation of mankind.

Amen.

7 quick takes Friday

-1-
I have a serious (but not so rare) condition.
It's been going on for a few months.
I think it came with the marriage...

I got the baby obsession.

I try to not talk about "when can we try for a baby?" more than once every other day. And trust me it's hard... Not that I'm totally out of it yet, but I think about it so much, so much. My husband is so amazing I can't but imagin him with little ones, and if I think about how cute they would be with his red hair and blue-green witty eyes.. I'm melted. So here's what's on my mind at least 20 times a day:


-2-
Thinking of babies, we're planning the future.. well as much as planning can go for the future.
Today I sent a few emails to former teachers to ask them for advices and contacts. I would love to go to the university of Chicago. Linguistics anyone? :)

-3-
I'm getting so good at paperwork!! I got my non-driver licence in the mail when we got back from France. What a nice surprise. The less nice surprise was my hair on the picture, we had such a laugh!! I had been waiting since 7 AM in the rain on the line outside, so I look tired, mean and hirsute...
Now on to applying for green card, GRE, TOEFL, scholarship and university... long is the road.

-4-
weight loss: none. I'm back to 165lbs. Of course I'm back from a nice vacation where I didn't control too much the quantity of delicious food that entered my mouth.. I'm actually quite happy that I'm not back to a higher weight... And I can now get back to my walking at home program, and double it with some outside walking and jogging :) My main motivation (after the doctor's strict warning) is to get a good health condition, related to #1 here :)

-5- Man I could do a whole post about how badly I want those little kids... (at least one to start).
So let's focus on why I'm happy I'm not yet pregnant:
-more time to work on #4
-more time to drink coffee without restriction, or to keep trying to reduce consumption of..
-be one more statistic on how efficient NFP is for postponing pregnancy
-no pressure to look for a good daycare in the Bronx (good luck!)
-I will be able to carry boxes for the moving (wait, am I happy about that??)
-did I mention coffee?

-6-
I went to EMC thursday, they were a few girls but I didn't talk with them, other counselors were there and I needed time to adapt again. Just a week in France was a total change of mind.. It seems to me that things get more drama around here, more struggles and passion.. Like religion, being pro-choice or pro-life, etc. It's like everything is on war and you have to chose your camp..
Or maybe it's just that I have different experiences in France and in the US...

-7-
Teen group: OMG!! Those kids are so negative, and waiting for things to happen. We tried to have them talk about role models... about being pro-active... about standing up for what you want in life... There was a lot of marshmallow going on in their attitude.. and not much will. It was sad. I really hope we are so boring that we killed all the life out of them.. because it was very frustrating to see those young teenagers complaining about "everything", it was like they're too lazy to think. I optimistically think most of it is being shy, or want to look cool in front of the others...

Don't forget where you come from...

" There are maybe 5 persons in the world who truly hate the Catholic Church but many, many more who don't know much about it."

What I love about the Catholic Church is what so many people "hate" about it: its exigence.
I think I need it.
I'm thankful they kept traditions that make sense despite being the last ones saying it.
I'm not saying the church is passing the message correctly and efficiently, but at least it is said.
Now I wish we could say it with much more love and much less judgment.
I believe the Church is offering an ideal, but an ideal that is doable by the grace of God. It's a philosophy and a theory, but so much more a reality, and a work in progress.

We don't have to be perfect, we are called to be saint. A Saint lets the grace touch all aspects of his/her life.
As a believer my job is to identify those aspects of my life where I don't want to accept the presence of God (food, work, neighbors etc.)
Whenever I learn to grow in faith I feel so happy about my discoveries, and they are so logical that I don't understand how I lived before...

Faith is such an amazing journey!

I don't think I ever got bored in following Jesus, searching for more Truth in my life, and opening my mind to religion.
I'm currently trying to find out which career would be a good fit for me, and I use the "what color is your parachute ?" book. I found out that my goal is to bring more "heart" into the world. That my work would contribute to bringing more love and forgiveness in the world.
My second and third "goals" are to bring more spirituality, love of God, and more honesty, righteousness. (I think it was Spirit and will/consciousness).
I was quite surprised. First I was surprised that the book separate heart and spirit, love of God from love generally speaking.
Then I was surprised that this would even be mentioned in a job search book. It doesn't sound like a very professional goal to me... I'm not sure I really want to work on a daily basis with a work uniquely based on that. Love is not something you can assess and make a job of.
Well mothers are professional lovers, but they happen to be so "professional" because there is no way to be perfect at it...
And then I got a little scared: right now I'm very enthusiastic, but WHAT IF? what if I find a great job in a religious organization, and then I don't care for it anymore?
When I first started to get really interested in religion (as a old teen) I had the same interrogation! I thought that interest would go away, like a fashion: one year is purple, the following is red etc. But it didn't. And I still get very enthusiastic about learning and sharing :)

I figured I would still review my 25 first years. The first aim right now would be to remember where I come from, as in philosophically, and to clarify my own ambivalence, in between laicity and religious affirmation. I think it's the core of my orientation now. Should I look for catholic organizations, where I can be openly catholic, and find a lot of support, or should I go toward more lay organizations, and bring a little bit of my catholic point of view?
The same question arise when i became a teacher. I opted for public schools. It was not as "underground Christianity" as I thought it would be, but it was not easy either.. .

Anyway, more on that in upcoming posts.
And for now I'll keep up with the EMC :)