I went back to the pregnancy center, after 2 weeks of being too weak/sick/tired... (and also afraid of contaminating pregnant women with mono, what a nightmare the tiredness of pregnancy + mono!! )
So it was pretty quiet for the morning. I chatted with some other volunteers, we discussed our different approaches, some encouraging stories.. It was nice. :) I felt like an old veteran of life because they were 18-20 years old, and they seemed YOUNG to me (all old and grown up at 25 ahahaha) anyway it was a good discussion..
Then it got much more busy around noon. I saw B. She was there a few weeks ago, and came back for more talking :)
She comes from a country abroad. She won the lottery of green cards! She hurried to marry her boyfriend before she left, because she will stay at least 5 years here before he can join her.
Now she has been here since November, and she is pregnant. Her boyfriend is in a similar situation, married abroad but alone here. She lives with a family member who doesn't even know she has a boyfriend here. What a situation! She is quite religious and says her situation is a sin. She still think she can't keep the baby. In the meantime she is happy about him/her. And so is her boyfriend. She showed me her sonogram. Just a little peanut :)
So we talked some more about her situation. Apparently not much people knows about it. I feel like I'm her main confident! So we discussed about her marriage. If she really wanted to get married, if she actually thought before getting engaged, or if they did it out of fear more than for desire to commit...
It's a difficult place to be, but I think it's a blessing! This baby forces her to stop and think, think hard about her life and decisions, and be honest about it. If not to others at least to herself.
I pray she keeps that baby, and make choices in her life. right now her problems come from not being able to decide. She can't say no, and she ends up without real choices, led only by other people's decisions. She realized that she can now make decisions to give a direction for her future: talk to her husband, or leave him. Talk to her boyfriend about future, or leave him. Or leave both.
She says it's too much to make any decision right now. So her first step is to get a GED. I say "go girl!"
Previously "a frog's life", we now are settled in France, probably for a few more years. We now have two kids and big plans for our little garden. A sort of old fashioned American homestead 20 miles from Paris.
Showing posts with label EMC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EMC. Show all posts
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
women's choices
Interrupting this lovely book review for a short EMC report...
BTW, did I mention how saddened I am by the murder of the abortion doctor in his own church? How sad! I can't imagine someone calling himself "pro-life" when taking one...
That doesn't mean I agree with what the doctor was doing, but ANY human life deserve respect.
I talked with Valerie today (yes it's a pseudonym). She is 19. She already had an abortion when she was 16 years old. Her mom found out she wanted an abortion and took her to the clinic. Then she told her not to get pregnant again. But it was ok to have sex.
Valerie never heard about efficiency rate for contraceptive. She wasn't using anything when she got pregnant this time.
Her boyfriend (now ex) got mad at her when he found out she was pregnant. (like she did it on purpose!!)
Anyway Valerie wants an abortion : " I already took my decision."
So we talk a bit more, family, education, boyfriend etc.
What does she know about abortion's procedures? " Oh I had one, I know". She told me she had an abortion at 2 weeks pregnancy (what??? you don't even know you're pregnant then!!) "well, early anyway". Later when she watches the 3d explanation for the procedure she recognizes the laminaria (used for 2nd trimester procedures).
What does she know about foetal developpement? Not much either.
About side effects and complications? same...
Now my question is : Can you really make a choice if you are ignorant of most implications of your choice, and of the alternatives?
Now the senior counsellor shows a new video to the girls, called " choice blues" which is VERY graphic. I personally can't stand to watch it. And I would not show it. I was thinking " Oh if I had an open heart surgery I'd be glad to see the computer thing, but not the real video, same here!! This is just going to make them mad and reluctant to talk about anything afterward.." And then my "co-worker" said " You know ladies, I don't show you thins just to know what happens to the fetus, I'm showing it to you because this is going to be YOUR BODY if you choose the abortion. They don't do it only to your fetus, it's YOUR BODY too..."
And it struck me that it's not often mentioned.
Women are also, to some extend, victims of abortions.
Especially emotionally.
SO MANY women consider abortion because they don't want to be a burden, because they think nobody would help them. They find out they're alone the minute they know they're pregnant.
The simple fact that abortion is an option makes it THE only option possible, because whatever they really want they will have to face the comment : " why are you keeping the baby?" " are you crazy? what about... "(fill in anything or everything: stress, studies, health, figure, family, boyfriend...)
If they chose to keep the baby they will indeed be alone most of the time. There are plenty of associations helping, but so few girls even search about them..
If they choose adoption they'll meet shame and guilt.
Because of course in today's mind it is better to terminate a pregnancy than to let someone else raise your child.
I get really upset when I hear a girl saying how her mom KNOWS she is having intercourse, but would get mad if she gets pregnant. What hypocrite world is that?
No personal attacks to mothers here, I think we are all to blame, that let teens believe they can control their fertility with condoms and pills, and we don't insist that sex's natural function is to make new little humans.
I'm also really upset at the whole pro-life/pro-choice battle. This is ridiculous.
I wish there would be some kind of huge pro-adoption campaign. With Tv shows taking the shame out of adoption. With posters warning that sex ALSO has reproductive functions, and that sometimes nature is stronger than chemicals.
With couples witness how beautiful and meaningful love is...
BTW, did I mention how saddened I am by the murder of the abortion doctor in his own church? How sad! I can't imagine someone calling himself "pro-life" when taking one...
That doesn't mean I agree with what the doctor was doing, but ANY human life deserve respect.
I talked with Valerie today (yes it's a pseudonym). She is 19. She already had an abortion when she was 16 years old. Her mom found out she wanted an abortion and took her to the clinic. Then she told her not to get pregnant again. But it was ok to have sex.
Valerie never heard about efficiency rate for contraceptive. She wasn't using anything when she got pregnant this time.
Her boyfriend (now ex) got mad at her when he found out she was pregnant. (like she did it on purpose!!)
Anyway Valerie wants an abortion : " I already took my decision."
So we talk a bit more, family, education, boyfriend etc.
What does she know about abortion's procedures? " Oh I had one, I know". She told me she had an abortion at 2 weeks pregnancy (what??? you don't even know you're pregnant then!!) "well, early anyway". Later when she watches the 3d explanation for the procedure she recognizes the laminaria (used for 2nd trimester procedures).
What does she know about foetal developpement? Not much either.
About side effects and complications? same...
Now my question is : Can you really make a choice if you are ignorant of most implications of your choice, and of the alternatives?
Now the senior counsellor shows a new video to the girls, called " choice blues" which is VERY graphic. I personally can't stand to watch it. And I would not show it. I was thinking " Oh if I had an open heart surgery I'd be glad to see the computer thing, but not the real video, same here!! This is just going to make them mad and reluctant to talk about anything afterward.." And then my "co-worker" said " You know ladies, I don't show you thins just to know what happens to the fetus, I'm showing it to you because this is going to be YOUR BODY if you choose the abortion. They don't do it only to your fetus, it's YOUR BODY too..."
And it struck me that it's not often mentioned.
Women are also, to some extend, victims of abortions.
Especially emotionally.
SO MANY women consider abortion because they don't want to be a burden, because they think nobody would help them. They find out they're alone the minute they know they're pregnant.
The simple fact that abortion is an option makes it THE only option possible, because whatever they really want they will have to face the comment : " why are you keeping the baby?" " are you crazy? what about... "(fill in anything or everything: stress, studies, health, figure, family, boyfriend...)
If they chose to keep the baby they will indeed be alone most of the time. There are plenty of associations helping, but so few girls even search about them..
If they choose adoption they'll meet shame and guilt.
Because of course in today's mind it is better to terminate a pregnancy than to let someone else raise your child.
I get really upset when I hear a girl saying how her mom KNOWS she is having intercourse, but would get mad if she gets pregnant. What hypocrite world is that?
No personal attacks to mothers here, I think we are all to blame, that let teens believe they can control their fertility with condoms and pills, and we don't insist that sex's natural function is to make new little humans.
I'm also really upset at the whole pro-life/pro-choice battle. This is ridiculous.
I wish there would be some kind of huge pro-adoption campaign. With Tv shows taking the shame out of adoption. With posters warning that sex ALSO has reproductive functions, and that sometimes nature is stronger than chemicals.
With couples witness how beautiful and meaningful love is...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
dear negatives
I haven't posted EMC stories in a while...
Here goes today: we had a busy morning! There was 5 counselors and me, and I've been along with someone enough that I can now do most of the interview by myself :) There is always someone more experimented around to help me with referrals...
So anyway this morning I had a very shaking young lady, about 23 years old, from Honduras. She already has a daughter there (3 years old) and she is scared to have an other child. She doesn't have papers and came here to get money saved for her daughter.
And now she is 15 weeks pregnant.
We talked a bit. All in Spanish which was not easy for me... But she understood what I was trying to say. She didn't know anything about abortion. When she saw the plastic model of fetal development for 15 weeks she said "oh it's a baby!". I think she really didn't know what abortion was, especially not in a second trimester pregnancy..
Anyway I think she changed her mind. It's not easy to realize that abortion is not the magic answer that undo pregnancy. It's not easy to be responsible about it and find an option that considers not only your own comfort but also the one of the little one to come...
I'm very humbled when I come out of this place, when I meet women going through though situations like this...
Anyway I untitled this post " dear negatives" because we also get girls who test negative.
And I have a sixth sense, I KNOW their test will be negative. Those girls are usually younger, between 16 and 25, but they act less mature, almost giggling. Sometimes I doubt they even have had sex, sometimes I know they don't care.
They don't really come for the pregnancy test, or for an abortion (most of them when ask " what would be your decision if the test is positive ? they answer " probably parenting") . They just come for the talk. I can't prove it, but I'm sure they just come to get a mommy talk about guys, sex, relationships. If I talk to them about fertility awareness they are fascinated, if I talk about the value of sex, how great it is tha tit can bring life, how valuable it is to have that level of trust in a relationship, that you can say " I love you so much I want a baby with you!" They are hungry for those talks. NONE told me " this is out of reality". I actually say it myself at some point : "this is not what we grow up with, it's not what you hear everyday, but it's worth thinking about..."
I tell them about failure rates and where to look for informations, and most don't know much...
I like those girls. Some are making up stories about their valentines day, about their "boyfriend" etc, but in the end all they want is attention, someone who will take them seriously and warn them, introduce them to the meaning of body language and give them some tough love.
In the past 2 weeks I met 2 girls like this. I like to talk with them because there is no pressure or drama about " what will I do with the baby?"
I would like that they realize how precious they are, not because they are pregnant, and not because they can have a boyfriend, just because of themselves.
Young women are powerful AND vulnerable a the same time because of all the love they have to give.
So what do you want to do with that love?
Here goes today: we had a busy morning! There was 5 counselors and me, and I've been along with someone enough that I can now do most of the interview by myself :) There is always someone more experimented around to help me with referrals...
So anyway this morning I had a very shaking young lady, about 23 years old, from Honduras. She already has a daughter there (3 years old) and she is scared to have an other child. She doesn't have papers and came here to get money saved for her daughter.
And now she is 15 weeks pregnant.
We talked a bit. All in Spanish which was not easy for me... But she understood what I was trying to say. She didn't know anything about abortion. When she saw the plastic model of fetal development for 15 weeks she said "oh it's a baby!". I think she really didn't know what abortion was, especially not in a second trimester pregnancy..
Anyway I think she changed her mind. It's not easy to realize that abortion is not the magic answer that undo pregnancy. It's not easy to be responsible about it and find an option that considers not only your own comfort but also the one of the little one to come...
I'm very humbled when I come out of this place, when I meet women going through though situations like this...
Anyway I untitled this post " dear negatives" because we also get girls who test negative.
And I have a sixth sense, I KNOW their test will be negative. Those girls are usually younger, between 16 and 25, but they act less mature, almost giggling. Sometimes I doubt they even have had sex, sometimes I know they don't care.
They don't really come for the pregnancy test, or for an abortion (most of them when ask " what would be your decision if the test is positive ? they answer " probably parenting") . They just come for the talk. I can't prove it, but I'm sure they just come to get a mommy talk about guys, sex, relationships. If I talk to them about fertility awareness they are fascinated, if I talk about the value of sex, how great it is tha tit can bring life, how valuable it is to have that level of trust in a relationship, that you can say " I love you so much I want a baby with you!" They are hungry for those talks. NONE told me " this is out of reality". I actually say it myself at some point : "this is not what we grow up with, it's not what you hear everyday, but it's worth thinking about..."
I tell them about failure rates and where to look for informations, and most don't know much...
I like those girls. Some are making up stories about their valentines day, about their "boyfriend" etc, but in the end all they want is attention, someone who will take them seriously and warn them, introduce them to the meaning of body language and give them some tough love.
In the past 2 weeks I met 2 girls like this. I like to talk with them because there is no pressure or drama about " what will I do with the baby?"
I would like that they realize how precious they are, not because they are pregnant, and not because they can have a boyfriend, just because of themselves.
Young women are powerful AND vulnerable a the same time because of all the love they have to give.
So what do you want to do with that love?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
borrow from our children- reflections while washing dishes
"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children" - Native American Proverb.
I just noticed we changed dishwasher product for a 7th generation one and I read the label (you know- I'm one of those cerealbox-shampoolabels compulsive readers) and I read this:
"The company derives its name from the Great Law of the Iroquois that states, "In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." Every time you use a Seventh Generation product you are making a difference by saving natural resources, reducing pollution, keeping toxic chemicals out of the environment and making the world a safer place for this and the next seven generations."
I thought that was very neat.
Very neat. :)
I've seen those kind of sentence every here and there, and I really love them :)
It's sound wisdom.
And so many people use it every day. For many reasons, and many causes...
Now I was thinking about it in regard of abortion.
Not only are we treating the earth like ours, but we are destroying part of the next generation.
What are the consequences of abortion on 7 generations?
I just noticed we changed dishwasher product for a 7th generation one and I read the label (you know- I'm one of those cerealbox-shampoolabels compulsive readers) and I read this:
"The company derives its name from the Great Law of the Iroquois that states, "In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." Every time you use a Seventh Generation product you are making a difference by saving natural resources, reducing pollution, keeping toxic chemicals out of the environment and making the world a safer place for this and the next seven generations."
I thought that was very neat.
Very neat. :)
I've seen those kind of sentence every here and there, and I really love them :)
It's sound wisdom.
And so many people use it every day. For many reasons, and many causes...
Now I was thinking about it in regard of abortion.
Not only are we treating the earth like ours, but we are destroying part of the next generation.
What are the consequences of abortion on 7 generations?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Abort the boyfriend, not the baby!
Today in EMC I had a talk with a counsellor. She was upset because there is an "ad" in a newspaper that says :" FREE ABORTIONS alternatives".
she says it's lying.
And I agree with her. 100%
So of course some people coma or call, asking for free abortion, and we have to explain them that we don't refer for abortions.
So I took the opportunity to tell her about my concerns when mentioning religious things to non-religious people.
So we agreed on how to talk and present things: whatever the guy who does advertisement presents we have to be upfront: we don't think abortion is the best choice to make, and we think that whatever a woman decides ultimately she should explore other options. Especially if you lean toward abortion, because there is no coming back. You can always chose between adoption and parenting, but if the fetus is dead, well there is not much choice left... And obviously that was not the best for him..
Anyway I listened to 2 ladies today. Both in their 20's.
The first one had a tummy tuck and esthetic surgery in DR last year. And she" can't afford" to have a baby now. She meant physically. We adviced her to get medical advice about it. The tummy tuck was more than a year ago, and I'm no doctor to tell if it will be life threatening or not, BUT if it was very dangerous for her to get pregnant then the doctor should have insisted a lot more on how babies are made.
We live in the ambiant lie that sex is for fun. It's not. Sexual relationships tie people together, AND IT CAN BRING LIFE.
I'm not pro-contraception, but if someone doesn't understand why chastity is good for them, and still wants to have sex and not get pregnant, I think they should by any mean be responsible about it.
I heard so many times: " I didn't ask for this baby.
- well, let's see, if you WANTED to get pregnant, what would you do different?"
if the answer is nothing, then maybe you get something to think about.
Anyway... Our first girl of the day was set up to have an abortion and she didn't want to think further about it.
The second girl I talked with came for an abortion as well. She is 20, she has 2 little girls 3 and 1 years old. She was with her boyfriend for 8 years. He has a drinking problem, and leaves her regularly only to come back a few months later.
That was after my conversation with the other counsellor, so when she said abortion we explained her as clearly as we could why we believe it's not a good option. Then we talked more, about her children, her job, her family. She had a very good relationship with an open family, with several sisters, and 7 nephews... So she can get support from them.. She also has a bad job: 5:30 AM to 8PM 6 days a week...
We suggested that she takes time to imagine her life for each option: abortion, adoption and parenting with this new baby: what will change, who could help etc.
And she smiled so much when evocating the parenting option. :) It was heart melting :)
So she gave it further reflection and saw how much she could make this baby into a new chance for her life. Passing GED, changing job, seperating definitively from the bad boyfriend, a new brother or sister for her girls etc.
Life is a blessing if you work with it, not against it. :)
Yes unplanned pregnancies are a drama, they are unfortunate, but are they really?
Don't they point out a change to make? A new plan for your life?
This girl was "transfigured". She left smiling, full of thinking and hopes for her life.
What will happen next no one knows. But I'm glad she just took the time to stop and think, and really imagin herself in each case, and find for herself where her heart goes.
Anyway the lessons of the day are for me:
-"choose life!" again and again this sentence echoes in my head as the motto of the freedom seeker I am... :)
and
-speak up. It's easy to blame things on others: I don't like prolife people because they're so republican, they're so hypocrits, they are this or that... I don't like religious people because they judge others, etc. Well don't let that stop you!
If you have beliefs, don't let others' people behavior stop you from saying your word on the topic. If you disagree with something your Church is doing, first of all learn more about it. And then SPEAK UP: say what you feel uncomfrotable with, and offer to help with it! Because guess what, you are this Church!
she says it's lying.
And I agree with her. 100%
So of course some people coma or call, asking for free abortion, and we have to explain them that we don't refer for abortions.
So I took the opportunity to tell her about my concerns when mentioning religious things to non-religious people.
So we agreed on how to talk and present things: whatever the guy who does advertisement presents we have to be upfront: we don't think abortion is the best choice to make, and we think that whatever a woman decides ultimately she should explore other options. Especially if you lean toward abortion, because there is no coming back. You can always chose between adoption and parenting, but if the fetus is dead, well there is not much choice left... And obviously that was not the best for him..
Anyway I listened to 2 ladies today. Both in their 20's.
The first one had a tummy tuck and esthetic surgery in DR last year. And she" can't afford" to have a baby now. She meant physically. We adviced her to get medical advice about it. The tummy tuck was more than a year ago, and I'm no doctor to tell if it will be life threatening or not, BUT if it was very dangerous for her to get pregnant then the doctor should have insisted a lot more on how babies are made.
We live in the ambiant lie that sex is for fun. It's not. Sexual relationships tie people together, AND IT CAN BRING LIFE.
I'm not pro-contraception, but if someone doesn't understand why chastity is good for them, and still wants to have sex and not get pregnant, I think they should by any mean be responsible about it.
I heard so many times: " I didn't ask for this baby.
- well, let's see, if you WANTED to get pregnant, what would you do different?"
if the answer is nothing, then maybe you get something to think about.
Anyway... Our first girl of the day was set up to have an abortion and she didn't want to think further about it.
The second girl I talked with came for an abortion as well. She is 20, she has 2 little girls 3 and 1 years old. She was with her boyfriend for 8 years. He has a drinking problem, and leaves her regularly only to come back a few months later.
That was after my conversation with the other counsellor, so when she said abortion we explained her as clearly as we could why we believe it's not a good option. Then we talked more, about her children, her job, her family. She had a very good relationship with an open family, with several sisters, and 7 nephews... So she can get support from them.. She also has a bad job: 5:30 AM to 8PM 6 days a week...
We suggested that she takes time to imagine her life for each option: abortion, adoption and parenting with this new baby: what will change, who could help etc.
And she smiled so much when evocating the parenting option. :) It was heart melting :)
So she gave it further reflection and saw how much she could make this baby into a new chance for her life. Passing GED, changing job, seperating definitively from the bad boyfriend, a new brother or sister for her girls etc.
Life is a blessing if you work with it, not against it. :)
Yes unplanned pregnancies are a drama, they are unfortunate, but are they really?
Don't they point out a change to make? A new plan for your life?
This girl was "transfigured". She left smiling, full of thinking and hopes for her life.
What will happen next no one knows. But I'm glad she just took the time to stop and think, and really imagin herself in each case, and find for herself where her heart goes.
Anyway the lessons of the day are for me:
-"choose life!" again and again this sentence echoes in my head as the motto of the freedom seeker I am... :)
and
-speak up. It's easy to blame things on others: I don't like prolife people because they're so republican, they're so hypocrits, they are this or that... I don't like religious people because they judge others, etc. Well don't let that stop you!
If you have beliefs, don't let others' people behavior stop you from saying your word on the topic. If you disagree with something your Church is doing, first of all learn more about it. And then SPEAK UP: say what you feel uncomfrotable with, and offer to help with it! Because guess what, you are this Church!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
questions about volunteering...
Here is a 12 weeks fetus = 10 weeks since this human was conceived. The lines are his heartbeat. 10 weeks is most commonly the time when unplanned pregnancies are discovered. I had to skip one of my Thursdays mornings with struggling moms to attend a meeting at work and since then I was wondering if my volunteering is really useful...
I go on Thursday mornings to the Expectant Mother Care center, which is otherwise known as "pregnancy center".
The reasons why I go:
- I believe abortion is wrong, and never the best solution neither for the mom, nor for the baby,
- I think there should be a place where women in a crisis pregnancy could go to get help, and someone to hear their story, just because talking help
- I learned those places exist! I wanted to help and learn (like how to run such a place etc...)
- I also wanted to understand why there are so many abortions in the US, and on what ground (health, money, too many kids...). I learned a lot in this regard!
- Also I don't make much money, so volunteering is my way of giving something back: time.
- and I'm quite optimist which I think can be a good thing, help people to see the bright side when it's too difficult... (This works only if you are realistic, along with optimist)
- You can call it foetus, or baby, but you can't deny it's a human. You can argue about whether you have the right to decide who lives and dies and why, but you can't deny that terminating a human life is a murder. And I just can't let that happen 4000 times a day without saying/doing anything. (but marching with bloody pictures of tiny babies is against my religion, so volunteering in EMC is the second best option)
Why I consider stopping the volunteering:
- It's really sad to see some women opting for abortion. Especially when they don't seem to realize
- It's also really sad to hear some situations, and a mother say : "but I don't want this thing, it's not a good time, later maybe..." Like every thing is disposable..
- I feel very useless, as a volunteer I'm paired with a counselor, but I don't feel like I'm making much difference, and I have to go to work at 12:30 or 1 PM. So I'm here all morning, but most girls are coming between 11AM and 2:30 PM...
- I have more work than usual and could use the time to advance it. In the meantime I was supposed to do less hours so I'm not sure it's a good idea...
- I have a different approach than the counselor who works with me and I'm a little uncomfortable with "what people will think". I'm really afraid to put off the persons who come to us.
My main disagreement is about talking about God to non-religious persons.
If they don't bring the topic of God and religion, I don't bring it up either, I focus on material, emotional and ethics with the moms. But Mrs H always talks about God. When I asked her why she brings it up to non-religious people she says they need Him, and it's probably the only place where they will hear about God.
To which I disagree.
(I don't think it's the only place they will.. I just got a working out dvd that is "christianly inspired!!!" And I didn' find out until I received it... I mean where else in the world???!!!)
My concern is that if indeed it's the only place where we advice NOT to do the abortion, and we tell them about religious things, then they may reject BOTH, and associate BOTH.
I'm convinced abortion is wrong whether you believe in God or not.
And I believe that it takes much more time to become a believer than to realize how bad an abortion would be.
And conversion is a mystery, it doesn't rely on what ONE person will SAY ONE DAY to you, it takes several days, months, years, its a personal research that mainly relies on ACTS that you can witness, and real discussions...
So of course I don't say EMC is a proselytist place where counselors are pushing beliefs on desperate ladies, but they are always mentioning God at some point, and that makes me uncomfortable in some cases. (Note that most often the lady just agrees with whatever the counselor says, and they are not hyper pushy either...)
Maybe because I was raise to be very defiant of any argument that rely on religious reasons...
Don't get me wrong I agree that probably what a desperate mother needs most is to turn to God, and pray for help, strength and hope... But if she doesn't feel that way, if she doesn't KNOW it, I don't think it's good to suggest it, because it sounds weird if you have no contact with good willing religious people, if you have prejudice about religion or God.. And then we are just working against ourselves..
So I guess I'd like to find a lay EMC. Do you know any?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
M. and M.
Thursday, Emc report of the day.
M. called, the abortion clinic refused her. Lisa tells her to come and talk. So she comes, 21 weeks along. It's not the reason why the clinic refused her. (of course not!)They refused her because last time she had an abortion she had a seizure. And they refuse to take her because of the probable complication this time around...
I was wondering: "what kind of situation sees a woman risking her life to end a pregnancy?"
She lives with her husband and their 3 kids at a relative's. Can we call it a crisis pregnancy? I would say yes. It's a crisis, definetly. They would be homeless if not for that relative. Should she have the abortion? well let me ask it an other way: what will she do when she gets pregnant again in 2 months? Risk her life a few times a year?
"the solution to a pregnancy crisis is to get rid of the crisis, not of the baby."
mother Teresa (?)
I could not agree more. M. didn't know where to ask for help. She has some money aside (to pay for the abortion) and now she also has addresses and references to get help. What makes me the most upset is those abortion clinics, like supermarket: no counselling, no options, no questions, no help... "you come for an abortion? This way please..." no " Did you consider the other options?"
Next M. was much younger, 17 years old. She has a 10 months old son. She is afraid her parents would throw her out, they already helped for the first baby but they would get mad at her for being pregnant again. And I wondered: What kind of parent would do that? But now nothing can surprise me. I mean the parents are not very consistent: they let their kids learning about feelings, relationships and sex at school, they don't get involve in communicating about it with their own teens, and then they get mad when the youth become parents themselves too young...
M. called, the abortion clinic refused her. Lisa tells her to come and talk. So she comes, 21 weeks along. It's not the reason why the clinic refused her. (of course not!)They refused her because last time she had an abortion she had a seizure. And they refuse to take her because of the probable complication this time around...
I was wondering: "what kind of situation sees a woman risking her life to end a pregnancy?"
She lives with her husband and their 3 kids at a relative's. Can we call it a crisis pregnancy? I would say yes. It's a crisis, definetly. They would be homeless if not for that relative. Should she have the abortion? well let me ask it an other way: what will she do when she gets pregnant again in 2 months? Risk her life a few times a year?
"the solution to a pregnancy crisis is to get rid of the crisis, not of the baby."
mother Teresa (?)
I could not agree more. M. didn't know where to ask for help. She has some money aside (to pay for the abortion) and now she also has addresses and references to get help. What makes me the most upset is those abortion clinics, like supermarket: no counselling, no options, no questions, no help... "you come for an abortion? This way please..." no " Did you consider the other options?"
Next M. was much younger, 17 years old. She has a 10 months old son. She is afraid her parents would throw her out, they already helped for the first baby but they would get mad at her for being pregnant again. And I wondered: What kind of parent would do that? But now nothing can surprise me. I mean the parents are not very consistent: they let their kids learning about feelings, relationships and sex at school, they don't get involve in communicating about it with their own teens, and then they get mad when the youth become parents themselves too young...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
the reality is complex. (questions to ask yourself when facing unplanned pregnancy)
One more morning at EMC.
Today I met "Juliana" and her mom. Juliana just turned 14. She came in with her mother, wanting an abortion.
I also met "Barbara" and "Josh", a young couple in their early 20's, wanting abortion too.
Both "couples" were typical cases. And both were very complex. I mean EMC receive people like them everyday, young, afraid, misinformed... And despite every story is different, and never easy, there has not yet been a case when abortion is the best way out.
Juliana and her mom learned a lot about abortion procedures and adoption.. But more than anything younger expectant girls need help to communicate, they need to learn about their options.
It seems like the "logic" next step to any unplanned pregnancy is abortion. Sort of " you don't want this baby? get an abortion" Well we think people should stop and think before they act. Whatever their age and situation.
- are you sure you don't want this baby? (some girls actually WANT a baby)
- who could help you if you choose parenting? (family, associations, the baby's dad...)
- what do you know about abortion? what do you know about adoption?
-what do you know about the embryo/fetus development? It's especially important if you plan on an abortion, because some people have problem "terminating" a being with its own heart beat and brain waves...
-what if you get the abortion, and get pregnant again in three months?
-do you have friends, family, supporting you?
- think about how you picture yourself in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. Think about it for each option.
- what do you know about post-abortion stress?
- have you ever thought that if you choose abortion today you may wonder " how old would my child be?" in 3 years, or 20 ?
and probably the most important one (IMO):
- will an abortion un-do the pregnancy?
know that nothing is the same again, whether you choose abortion, parenting or adoption.
Yes it's a lot to think about. But I know no crisis where an abortion is the best answer.
An other very interesting video to watch, you can check the facts for yourself
(Feminism & Bioethics: Beyond Reproduction
Today I met "Juliana" and her mom. Juliana just turned 14. She came in with her mother, wanting an abortion.
I also met "Barbara" and "Josh", a young couple in their early 20's, wanting abortion too.
Both "couples" were typical cases. And both were very complex. I mean EMC receive people like them everyday, young, afraid, misinformed... And despite every story is different, and never easy, there has not yet been a case when abortion is the best way out.
Juliana and her mom learned a lot about abortion procedures and adoption.. But more than anything younger expectant girls need help to communicate, they need to learn about their options.
It seems like the "logic" next step to any unplanned pregnancy is abortion. Sort of " you don't want this baby? get an abortion" Well we think people should stop and think before they act. Whatever their age and situation.
- are you sure you don't want this baby? (some girls actually WANT a baby)
- who could help you if you choose parenting? (family, associations, the baby's dad...)
- what do you know about abortion? what do you know about adoption?
-what do you know about the embryo/fetus development? It's especially important if you plan on an abortion, because some people have problem "terminating" a being with its own heart beat and brain waves...
-what if you get the abortion, and get pregnant again in three months?
-do you have friends, family, supporting you?
- think about how you picture yourself in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. Think about it for each option.
- what do you know about post-abortion stress?
- have you ever thought that if you choose abortion today you may wonder " how old would my child be?" in 3 years, or 20 ?
and probably the most important one (IMO):
- will an abortion un-do the pregnancy?
know that nothing is the same again, whether you choose abortion, parenting or adoption.
Yes it's a lot to think about. But I know no crisis where an abortion is the best answer.
An other very interesting video to watch, you can check the facts for yourself
(Feminism & Bioethics: Beyond Reproduction
By Susan M. Wolf
Published by Oxford University Press US, 1996)
I think instead of talking about planned and unplanned parenthood, we should talk about responsible parenthood.
Because at the end it's all about responsability. When you have sex with someone of the opposite sex you take a chance to become a parent. Sometimes the chance is slim, sometimes it's much bigger... but it's there anyway.
The second couple I talked with today seemed very irresponsible at first. Especially the boyfriend. They have been together 3 years, and he has a one year old daughter with an other girl. And he had other girlfriends who had abortions and miscarriages. And they were taking the whole thing very lightly. Raising eyebrows and laughing.
Of course we look like the weirdos, we're suggesting abortion is not the best choice, when every where else they hear it's quick and easy.
We're also saying that 98% effectivness in birthcontrol means 2 out of 100 women who take birthcontrol for a year will get pregnant. It's just 2 out of a hundred, but how many women are taking birthcontrol? so that's how many pregnancies within a year?
Anyway I was getting really upset at this guy, who couldn't care less..
Then he was alone and I went back to talk with him. I wanted to know if he only cares about his current girl friend.. And we talked. He realized I was not some religious fanatic and I found out he was not a penis on legs (without heart or brain). We talked about recession, unemployment, his being adopted, babies needs,
hope for the future, what is a human being (are disabled people human? Are fetus humans just because of their DNA?) the problems with social assistance, the shame of welfare etc..
I was happy to meet the man, not the irresponsible kid. :)
Yes it's a difficult situation, but which is the better way out?
The question is not mine to answer, but I'm glad I could help him THINK about it, consider their options and get some perspective.
There is one sure about, more and more everyday: an abortion never undid the pregnancy.
It terminates the physical growing of the little one, not the crisis.
I think instead of talking about planned and unplanned parenthood, we should talk about responsible parenthood.
Because at the end it's all about responsability. When you have sex with someone of the opposite sex you take a chance to become a parent. Sometimes the chance is slim, sometimes it's much bigger... but it's there anyway.
The second couple I talked with today seemed very irresponsible at first. Especially the boyfriend. They have been together 3 years, and he has a one year old daughter with an other girl. And he had other girlfriends who had abortions and miscarriages. And they were taking the whole thing very lightly. Raising eyebrows and laughing.
Of course we look like the weirdos, we're suggesting abortion is not the best choice, when every where else they hear it's quick and easy.
We're also saying that 98% effectivness in birthcontrol means 2 out of 100 women who take birthcontrol for a year will get pregnant. It's just 2 out of a hundred, but how many women are taking birthcontrol? so that's how many pregnancies within a year?
Anyway I was getting really upset at this guy, who couldn't care less..
Then he was alone and I went back to talk with him. I wanted to know if he only cares about his current girl friend.. And we talked. He realized I was not some religious fanatic and I found out he was not a penis on legs (without heart or brain). We talked about recession, unemployment, his being adopted, babies needs,
hope for the future, what is a human being (are disabled people human? Are fetus humans just because of their DNA?) the problems with social assistance, the shame of welfare etc..I was happy to meet the man, not the irresponsible kid. :)
Yes it's a difficult situation, but which is the better way out?
The question is not mine to answer, but I'm glad I could help him THINK about it, consider their options and get some perspective.
There is one sure about, more and more everyday: an abortion never undid the pregnancy.
It terminates the physical growing of the little one, not the crisis.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Miscarriage, "let it pass" or D&C
I had a very busy life yesterday, so I'm late for my EMC report...
EMC means expectant mother care. I don't know if I mentioned it before.
One girl came Thursday she wanted an abortion because there is a problem with the baby. She actually probably lost the baby as she had heavy bleeding the Friday before, she went to the hospital and they asked her to come back after 2 weeks.
Since I've been more interested in contraception, abortion and all women-baby health topics I have been so surprised and chocked by all the miscarriages around me. I knew my aunt had one, then my other aunt. But I had no idea it was THIS common. Early miscarriages are most common. The rate of very early miscarriages (less than 6 weeks LMP) is very high : up to 25% in some studies (Wilcox AJ, Baird DD, Weinberg CR (1999). "Time of implantation of the conceptus and loss of pregnancy.". New England Journal of Medicine 340 (23): 1796–1799. doi:. PMID 10362823)
I was chocked that is it such a taboo still. I found out that some people name the baby, and it helps them grieve and mourn the loss.
Anyway this woman who came with a miscarriage didn't want an abortion to terminate the growth of the fetus. She needed the medical procedure of Dilation and Curettage.
Did she really need it? Of course if her fetus is dead it has to come out anyway. But D&C is an aggressive procedure, our policy (and obviously the one of the hospital too) is to wait about 10 days to 2 weeks, chances are the baby and placenta will be expelled naturally. Otherwise of course she should have the D&C.
Well I'm no doctor, just saying what I see.
I felt really sad for this girl. The most experience counselor took care of her so I don't have much more to say..
The second person I talked with was Martha. Martha looked so young, but she was 25, just my age! She came in with her boyfriend, who turned out to be her husband. She already had an abortion 7 years ago, and wanted one for the present pregnancy too. She was very sad and her story is complicated,she had been raped and she was depressed because of her first abortion and felt she didn't deserve to be a mom. That was really heart breaking. She waa saying : "if this was the right choice, why do I feel so bad about it?"
We talked with her and refered her to post abortion support groups. Yes those do exist. Which is pretty alarming. There are so many women with post abortion stress that there are support groups! If those women were isolated cases such groups would not exist.
Quite sad.
EMC means expectant mother care. I don't know if I mentioned it before.
One girl came Thursday she wanted an abortion because there is a problem with the baby. She actually probably lost the baby as she had heavy bleeding the Friday before, she went to the hospital and they asked her to come back after 2 weeks.
Since I've been more interested in contraception, abortion and all women-baby health topics I have been so surprised and chocked by all the miscarriages around me. I knew my aunt had one, then my other aunt. But I had no idea it was THIS common. Early miscarriages are most common. The rate of very early miscarriages (less than 6 weeks LMP) is very high : up to 25% in some studies (Wilcox AJ, Baird DD, Weinberg CR (1999). "Time of implantation of the conceptus and loss of pregnancy.". New England Journal of Medicine 340 (23): 1796–1799. doi:. PMID 10362823)
I was chocked that is it such a taboo still. I found out that some people name the baby, and it helps them grieve and mourn the loss.
Anyway this woman who came with a miscarriage didn't want an abortion to terminate the growth of the fetus. She needed the medical procedure of Dilation and Curettage.
Did she really need it? Of course if her fetus is dead it has to come out anyway. But D&C is an aggressive procedure, our policy (and obviously the one of the hospital too) is to wait about 10 days to 2 weeks, chances are the baby and placenta will be expelled naturally. Otherwise of course she should have the D&C.
Well I'm no doctor, just saying what I see.
I felt really sad for this girl. The most experience counselor took care of her so I don't have much more to say..
The second person I talked with was Martha. Martha looked so young, but she was 25, just my age! She came in with her boyfriend, who turned out to be her husband. She already had an abortion 7 years ago, and wanted one for the present pregnancy too. She was very sad and her story is complicated,she had been raped and she was depressed because of her first abortion and felt she didn't deserve to be a mom. That was really heart breaking. She waa saying : "if this was the right choice, why do I feel so bad about it?"
We talked with her and refered her to post abortion support groups. Yes those do exist. Which is pretty alarming. There are so many women with post abortion stress that there are support groups! If those women were isolated cases such groups would not exist.
Quite sad.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
5 minutes post
Challenge, I have 5 minutes to write a quick post about the pregnancy center where I volunteer. I really want to do it as it's fresh in my mind.
Today no big drama. I talked with 2 girls.
-17 years old had a wrong address for the RU-486. My collegue talked with her, I listened mostly. So she wanted to know more about the abortion pill. She asked at her school and the nurse said there were no complications or problems because "it's so early" She was 6 weeks along. Indeed it's early, but there are still complications possible. We had an interesting discussion because at some point the girl said " you're making me feel guilty." We were 3 other women in the room:
- well we told you we are not planned parenthood, we are support for crisis pregnancy, and you wanted to know more, now we are telling you more informations, as you asked.
- I said: " we also want to give you as much advices and informations as possible, because many women are pressured into abortion without knowing about what are the other options, and how much help exists out there.
- And we see MANY women coming here and telling how the suffered from abortion, sometimes only years later. It's not a small and forgettable procedure etc.
The second girl came for informations about contraception and relationships. She came already a couple times with friends. Last time in 2008 she brought a friend, and now she has a 4 months old baby girl :) She is the god mother. We talked about relationships. What girls and boys really want, and how to get it... Kind of awarness about abstinence. She was very interested in fertility awarness.
She was telling us about her desire to have a baby, and the older councellors talked to her longer about marriage and relationships.. That was pretty interesting to me too. All the abstinence and NFP philosophy are still pretty new and I like to mentally revisit the way from a culture of media pressure to a culture of life that doesn't see babies and pregnancies as a "risk" or the end of your world, but as great chances that not everyone gets...
Anyway 5 minutes way up!!
I won't have time for my quick chore...
Today no big drama. I talked with 2 girls.
-17 years old had a wrong address for the RU-486. My collegue talked with her, I listened mostly. So she wanted to know more about the abortion pill. She asked at her school and the nurse said there were no complications or problems because "it's so early" She was 6 weeks along. Indeed it's early, but there are still complications possible. We had an interesting discussion because at some point the girl said " you're making me feel guilty." We were 3 other women in the room:
- well we told you we are not planned parenthood, we are support for crisis pregnancy, and you wanted to know more, now we are telling you more informations, as you asked.
- I said: " we also want to give you as much advices and informations as possible, because many women are pressured into abortion without knowing about what are the other options, and how much help exists out there.
- And we see MANY women coming here and telling how the suffered from abortion, sometimes only years later. It's not a small and forgettable procedure etc.
The second girl came for informations about contraception and relationships. She came already a couple times with friends. Last time in 2008 she brought a friend, and now she has a 4 months old baby girl :) She is the god mother. We talked about relationships. What girls and boys really want, and how to get it... Kind of awarness about abstinence. She was very interested in fertility awarness.
She was telling us about her desire to have a baby, and the older councellors talked to her longer about marriage and relationships.. That was pretty interesting to me too. All the abstinence and NFP philosophy are still pretty new and I like to mentally revisit the way from a culture of media pressure to a culture of life that doesn't see babies and pregnancies as a "risk" or the end of your world, but as great chances that not everyone gets...
Anyway 5 minutes way up!!
I won't have time for my quick chore...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I'll be there for you no matter what...
Today I talked to a girl, let's call her Lydia. She is 16 years old. There were two guys knocking at the door, we thought that was an error (obviously we serve women!).
So I open to redirect them, and I see this girl crying and they push her inside (!).
We go (just her and me) in a smaller room. I feel really bad for this girl, she is crying, my first thinking was that she got raped and her brothers took her here... So I'm very very cautious about what I say and what I ask.
Lydia actually came with her boyfriend and his cousin. She is pregnant but she knew it was a risk because "he didn't came out". I ask what she think she'll decide if the test is positive. She say "abortion I think".
Little update here, yes I'm what we call pro-life, but first of all in the pregnacy center we LISTEN. Before giving advices or showing bloody pictures (which we don't do) we listen to the women telling about their lives and crisis. And we give them referrals to get OUT of the crisis. Whatever their final decision is... so yeah I didn't start right away with all the abortion procedure and how it's usually best for everyone to chose between adoption or parenting...
So Lydia loves her boyfriend, and he loves her, they have a great relationship.She did a pregnancy test and told her boyfriend, and they talked about it and they both think abortion is best. " Then why were you crying?" She doesn't know really.
We talk some more. I ask how she feels about the pregnancy, about her choices now and so on. She is afraid of telling her mom. Because her mom had her when she was 16, and warned her when she knew she was in a sexual relationship...
She says a little more about her family, how they all live in the same building, and her mom is 4 months pregnant, and the uncle could take care of the baby if she keeps it...
And little by little she starts telling how she had thought of keeping the baby, how to organize her life around it, and who could help and so on..
We usually show a dvd about abortion procedure (not a bloody real life one, just a 3D explanation, once again it's just information) we also have a more oriented dvd about "honest answers" that are just testimonies of women who went through parenting, adoption or abortion. It's more oriented because of course women there are sharing their own experience, and the one who chose abortion are definetly sad and bitter about it. (quote: "I thought abortion would end the problem, and my life would be back to before I got pregnant. But that was not true. It was never the same, and I remember it every day."
We stop the second movie before the end because she wanted to talk and explore the opportunities available to keep the baby. :)
Lydia is afraid. Like 99,9% of women who walk in our center. She is afraid of telling her mom. All she needed was someone to listen, and to take some time to evaluate her options, and her deep desires.
Then she talked to her boyfriend, and that was nasty. The guy kept saying " you can't do this to us." several times. And " I love you but we can't. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young." "You won't do this if you love me, if you love me..."
"we're together in this, we'll go together through this, but don't keep the baby. I'll be there with you no matter what, but don't keep the baby. Abortion is the only way for us"
Now this is love.
I still feel bad recalling it. She asked him to leave the room. He started petting her hair and using a softer voice to say the same stuff over and over again.
A more experienced councellor came in to talk with both of them...
I know her a little bit, her favorite motto is " it's not the baby the problem, it's the boyfriend, abort the boyfriend!"
Everytime I see something like this happening, I think about the movie "waitress" and I wonder a little more about women rights.
The more time I spend talking with women who are going through unplanned pregnancies, the more I think abortion is doing more AGAINST women rights than for them.
I don't know what Lydia will choose. I know any choice is going to be painful. She will probably break up with this guy, and she will suffer. Or she will stay with this asshole (I couldn't think of a nicer way to put it) and suffer even more.
If you read this post and believe in any superior power, please say a prayer for Lydia, and all women going throught this.
So I open to redirect them, and I see this girl crying and they push her inside (!).
We go (just her and me) in a smaller room. I feel really bad for this girl, she is crying, my first thinking was that she got raped and her brothers took her here... So I'm very very cautious about what I say and what I ask.
Lydia actually came with her boyfriend and his cousin. She is pregnant but she knew it was a risk because "he didn't came out". I ask what she think she'll decide if the test is positive. She say "abortion I think".
Little update here, yes I'm what we call pro-life, but first of all in the pregnacy center we LISTEN. Before giving advices or showing bloody pictures (which we don't do) we listen to the women telling about their lives and crisis. And we give them referrals to get OUT of the crisis. Whatever their final decision is... so yeah I didn't start right away with all the abortion procedure and how it's usually best for everyone to chose between adoption or parenting...
So Lydia loves her boyfriend, and he loves her, they have a great relationship.She did a pregnancy test and told her boyfriend, and they talked about it and they both think abortion is best. " Then why were you crying?" She doesn't know really.
We talk some more. I ask how she feels about the pregnancy, about her choices now and so on. She is afraid of telling her mom. Because her mom had her when she was 16, and warned her when she knew she was in a sexual relationship...
She says a little more about her family, how they all live in the same building, and her mom is 4 months pregnant, and the uncle could take care of the baby if she keeps it...
And little by little she starts telling how she had thought of keeping the baby, how to organize her life around it, and who could help and so on..
We usually show a dvd about abortion procedure (not a bloody real life one, just a 3D explanation, once again it's just information) we also have a more oriented dvd about "honest answers" that are just testimonies of women who went through parenting, adoption or abortion. It's more oriented because of course women there are sharing their own experience, and the one who chose abortion are definetly sad and bitter about it. (quote: "I thought abortion would end the problem, and my life would be back to before I got pregnant. But that was not true. It was never the same, and I remember it every day."
We stop the second movie before the end because she wanted to talk and explore the opportunities available to keep the baby. :)
Lydia is afraid. Like 99,9% of women who walk in our center. She is afraid of telling her mom. All she needed was someone to listen, and to take some time to evaluate her options, and her deep desires.
Then she talked to her boyfriend, and that was nasty. The guy kept saying " you can't do this to us." several times. And " I love you but we can't. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young." "You won't do this if you love me, if you love me..."
"we're together in this, we'll go together through this, but don't keep the baby. I'll be there with you no matter what, but don't keep the baby. Abortion is the only way for us"
Now this is love.
I still feel bad recalling it. She asked him to leave the room. He started petting her hair and using a softer voice to say the same stuff over and over again.
A more experienced councellor came in to talk with both of them...
I know her a little bit, her favorite motto is " it's not the baby the problem, it's the boyfriend, abort the boyfriend!"
Everytime I see something like this happening, I think about the movie "waitress" and I wonder a little more about women rights.
The more time I spend talking with women who are going through unplanned pregnancies, the more I think abortion is doing more AGAINST women rights than for them.
I don't know what Lydia will choose. I know any choice is going to be painful. She will probably break up with this guy, and she will suffer. Or she will stay with this asshole (I couldn't think of a nicer way to put it) and suffer even more.
If you read this post and believe in any superior power, please say a prayer for Lydia, and all women going throught this.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I.U.D.
On Thursdays I volunteer for the morning in an emergency pregnancy center, or center for pregnancy crisis, or something like that that spells EMC. (I forgot what it stands for exactly, I'll check again later.)
I just want to note down a couple things before they blurr..
I started volunteer because of my recent pro-life evolution (last year I was unclear and unconsistant). So anyway I decided I would be anti-abortion, and pro-life, but I didn't want to be "extremist" or march down the street with a rosary and a picture of a dead baby. So I decided to volunteer. If I meet women who are in difficult situation, and want an abortion, maybe if I see why, then I will see how my nice theories are only theories.
Well, on the contrary. The more I see, the more I'm not only against abortion, but against contraception.
Now that's being extremist!
And the more I see, the more I tend to find reasons outside of religion.
I first thought : "oh foetus are human beings, with infinite dignity, a right to life and respect." I still believe it .
But beyond that I realize how much contraception is alienating women from their rights.
Today for example, a woman came to get her IUD.
My colleague tells her about NFP and how IUD can cause early abortions, if she is aware of the side effects, effectiveness and so and so.
The woman is interested in NFP, she 'd like to know more.
We talk, I join in because I just took the NFP class.
During the conversation she mentions her difficulties with her husband, his lack of respect, his seeing other girls, disrespecting her in front of his friends, going out every night and more and more and more.
She says : " I will take the NFP class because I'm interresting in knowing my body, but my husband won't come, and if we can't have sex he will force me or go with someone else."
I believed her, but even if she exagerated this is showing a deep problem.
"Take you contraceptive and be quiet" as long as he can "have sex" whenever he feels like it... who cares about responsabilities? who cares about a woman being abused? as long as we can keep it quiet..
This is what abortion tells me: " Just keep it quiet."
I don't think it gave any progress into women lives.
Some women come for abortion because they don't want "people to find out" that they're pregnant, because "people" would talk...
I mean is that such a progress in mentalities, that a woman would rather sacrifice her child than her reputation? I there a sexual liberation when a woman can have sex and brag about it, but she has to hide a pregnancy?
I just want to note down a couple things before they blurr..
I started volunteer because of my recent pro-life evolution (last year I was unclear and unconsistant). So anyway I decided I would be anti-abortion, and pro-life, but I didn't want to be "extremist" or march down the street with a rosary and a picture of a dead baby. So I decided to volunteer. If I meet women who are in difficult situation, and want an abortion, maybe if I see why, then I will see how my nice theories are only theories.
Well, on the contrary. The more I see, the more I'm not only against abortion, but against contraception.
Now that's being extremist!
And the more I see, the more I tend to find reasons outside of religion.
I first thought : "oh foetus are human beings, with infinite dignity, a right to life and respect." I still believe it .
But beyond that I realize how much contraception is alienating women from their rights.
Today for example, a woman came to get her IUD.
My colleague tells her about NFP and how IUD can cause early abortions, if she is aware of the side effects, effectiveness and so and so.
The woman is interested in NFP, she 'd like to know more.
We talk, I join in because I just took the NFP class.
During the conversation she mentions her difficulties with her husband, his lack of respect, his seeing other girls, disrespecting her in front of his friends, going out every night and more and more and more.
She says : " I will take the NFP class because I'm interresting in knowing my body, but my husband won't come, and if we can't have sex he will force me or go with someone else."
I believed her, but even if she exagerated this is showing a deep problem.
"Take you contraceptive and be quiet" as long as he can "have sex" whenever he feels like it... who cares about responsabilities? who cares about a woman being abused? as long as we can keep it quiet..
This is what abortion tells me: " Just keep it quiet."
I don't think it gave any progress into women lives.
Some women come for abortion because they don't want "people to find out" that they're pregnant, because "people" would talk...
I mean is that such a progress in mentalities, that a woman would rather sacrifice her child than her reputation? I there a sexual liberation when a woman can have sex and brag about it, but she has to hide a pregnancy?