Today I met "Juliana" and her mom. Juliana just turned 14. She came in with her mother, wanting an abortion.
I also met "Barbara" and "Josh", a young couple in their early 20's, wanting abortion too.
Both "couples" were typical cases. And both were very complex. I mean EMC receive people like them everyday, young, afraid, misinformed... And despite every story is different, and never easy, there has not yet been a case when abortion is the best way out.
Juliana and her mom learned a lot about abortion procedures and adoption.. But more than anything younger expectant girls need help to communicate, they need to learn about their options.
It seems like the "logic" next step to any unplanned pregnancy is abortion. Sort of " you don't want this baby? get an abortion" Well we think people should stop and think before they act. Whatever their age and situation.
- are you sure you don't want this baby? (some girls actually WANT a baby)
- who could help you if you choose parenting? (family, associations, the baby's dad...)
- what do you know about abortion? what do you know about adoption?
-what do you know about the embryo/fetus development? It's especially important if you plan on an abortion, because some people have problem "terminating" a being with its own heart beat and brain waves...
-what if you get the abortion, and get pregnant again in three months?
-do you have friends, family, supporting you?
- think about how you picture yourself in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years. Think about it for each option.
- what do you know about post-abortion stress?
- have you ever thought that if you choose abortion today you may wonder " how old would my child be?" in 3 years, or 20 ?
and probably the most important one (IMO):
- will an abortion un-do the pregnancy?
know that nothing is the same again, whether you choose abortion, parenting or adoption.
Yes it's a lot to think about. But I know no crisis where an abortion is the best answer.
An other very interesting video to watch, you can check the facts for yourself
(Feminism & Bioethics: Beyond Reproduction
By Susan M. Wolf
Published by Oxford University Press US, 1996)
I think instead of talking about planned and unplanned parenthood, we should talk about responsible parenthood.
Because at the end it's all about responsability. When you have sex with someone of the opposite sex you take a chance to become a parent. Sometimes the chance is slim, sometimes it's much bigger... but it's there anyway.
The second couple I talked with today seemed very irresponsible at first. Especially the boyfriend. They have been together 3 years, and he has a one year old daughter with an other girl. And he had other girlfriends who had abortions and miscarriages. And they were taking the whole thing very lightly. Raising eyebrows and laughing.
Of course we look like the weirdos, we're suggesting abortion is not the best choice, when every where else they hear it's quick and easy.
We're also saying that 98% effectivness in birthcontrol means 2 out of 100 women who take birthcontrol for a year will get pregnant. It's just 2 out of a hundred, but how many women are taking birthcontrol? so that's how many pregnancies within a year?
Anyway I was getting really upset at this guy, who couldn't care less..
Then he was alone and I went back to talk with him. I wanted to know if he only cares about his current girl friend.. And we talked. He realized I was not some religious fanatic and I found out he was not a penis on legs (without heart or brain). We talked about recession, unemployment, his being adopted, babies needs,
hope for the future, what is a human being (are disabled people human? Are fetus humans just because of their DNA?) the problems with social assistance, the shame of welfare etc..
I was happy to meet the man, not the irresponsible kid. :)
Yes it's a difficult situation, but which is the better way out?
The question is not mine to answer, but I'm glad I could help him THINK about it, consider their options and get some perspective.
There is one sure about, more and more everyday: an abortion never undid the pregnancy.
It terminates the physical growing of the little one, not the crisis.
I think instead of talking about planned and unplanned parenthood, we should talk about responsible parenthood.
Because at the end it's all about responsability. When you have sex with someone of the opposite sex you take a chance to become a parent. Sometimes the chance is slim, sometimes it's much bigger... but it's there anyway.
The second couple I talked with today seemed very irresponsible at first. Especially the boyfriend. They have been together 3 years, and he has a one year old daughter with an other girl. And he had other girlfriends who had abortions and miscarriages. And they were taking the whole thing very lightly. Raising eyebrows and laughing.
Of course we look like the weirdos, we're suggesting abortion is not the best choice, when every where else they hear it's quick and easy.
We're also saying that 98% effectivness in birthcontrol means 2 out of 100 women who take birthcontrol for a year will get pregnant. It's just 2 out of a hundred, but how many women are taking birthcontrol? so that's how many pregnancies within a year?
Anyway I was getting really upset at this guy, who couldn't care less..
Then he was alone and I went back to talk with him. I wanted to know if he only cares about his current girl friend.. And we talked. He realized I was not some religious fanatic and I found out he was not a penis on legs (without heart or brain). We talked about recession, unemployment, his being adopted, babies needs,
hope for the future, what is a human being (are disabled people human? Are fetus humans just because of their DNA?) the problems with social assistance, the shame of welfare etc..I was happy to meet the man, not the irresponsible kid. :)
Yes it's a difficult situation, but which is the better way out?
The question is not mine to answer, but I'm glad I could help him THINK about it, consider their options and get some perspective.
There is one sure about, more and more everyday: an abortion never undid the pregnancy.
It terminates the physical growing of the little one, not the crisis.
2 comments:
Wow.I am floored by the responsibilities you shoulder.
God bless you.
well i don't have responsabilities, as I'm a volunteer in the EMC I'm always with an other counselor :)
Just this time the lady was talking in a separate room and I got to talk one to one with her boyfriend.
Most of the time I feel very small, the women who come to our center all face difficult situations, but we may be their only chance to stop and think, when most other places encourage them to abort.
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