first years of forever- Forgiveness

following on the review for " the first years of forever"

chapter 4: Forgiveness, the second essential

This chapter is a treasure! As I mentioned earlier I'm not good with forgiveness, I didn't know the impact of sincere apologies since very recently. And even when I say "I'm sorry", pride is always in the way... So that whole chapter was really good for me.(Doesn't make me a pro that easily either..)
" where else, but in marriage, could there be more opportunities to annoy, insult, offend or ruffle an other person? "
"forgiveness is a way of life. It's not keeping scores. It's not a feeling, it's a CHOICE you make" " Forgiveness is a promise: I won't bring it up to you again, I won't bring it up to others, I won't bring it up to myself"
" the four steps of forgiveness:
-choose, freely, to forgive
-make a promise to lift the burden of guilt from the other and remember the problem no more. Don't bring it up to him, to others, to yourself.
- Seal it with your behavior (= show love and a restored relationship)
- trust God"


>>> the book as a funny story to illustrate the process.. and more biblical references.
This was a really good reflection to me. Too often when I get hurt I want to hurt back somehow. And I tend to forget the last part mentioned here" don't bring it up to yourself". If I have a grief against someone, especially Mr L, I will bring it up to myself A LOT, and then look very upset or sad, to make HIM feel bad and guilty (because it works...). I guess I'm trying to get extra in comforting with this method. A lot of petting in the back and sweet talking...
But most of the time it doesn't actually work that way Both parties get upset and resentful, and too proud to admit it's not our best behavior...
So anyway I notice when I move on and SHOW affection and care, then I get affection and care back :) And everything goes much more smoothly.
The book goes on with the same little story, and shows what happens when there is forgiveness, and when there is not.
I also like the reminder " trust God". I'm usually very wary with books that involve quoting the Bible too much, because some have the bad habit to just give "advices" that are not practical, simply not for human beings, or advices given by people who care only about appearances and how you look. Not here. Of course point 3 is to "seal it with behavior". you'll notice they don't say " do as if nothing happened". They say behave appropriately for a restored relationship.
Don't bring up the past, but don' pretend nothing ever happened. See it as an occasion to move on, without the other feeling like he owes you tones (even if he does). They use the word "gracefully" I think it's very appropriate. Forgiveness can strengthen a relationship, resentment can destroy it. the advice to trust God is a good one, and very much logical here. It's necessary to trust God will help you forgive and really move on. I think here you pray to be free of resentment. Acting like you don't feel resentful may not be enough, and that could turn into hypocrisy and awful blow out later on...

I wish we would learn to forgive at school!

Although I couldn't even see it as a value before, only a reluctant necessity, Forgiveness is my new favorite value, and I need LOTS of practice. :)