Today I talked to a girl, let's call her Lydia. She is 16 years old. There were two guys knocking at the door, we thought that was an error (obviously we serve women!).
So I open to redirect them, and I see this girl crying and they push her inside (!).
We go (just her and me) in a smaller room. I feel really bad for this girl, she is crying, my first thinking was that she got raped and her brothers took her here... So I'm very very cautious about what I say and what I ask.
Lydia actually came with her boyfriend and his cousin. She is pregnant but she knew it was a risk because "he didn't came out". I ask what she think she'll decide if the test is positive. She say "abortion I think".
Little update here, yes I'm what we call pro-life, but first of all in the pregnacy center we LISTEN. Before giving advices or showing bloody pictures (which we don't do) we listen to the women telling about their lives and crisis. And we give them referrals to get OUT of the crisis. Whatever their final decision is... so yeah I didn't start right away with all the abortion procedure and how it's usually best for everyone to chose between adoption or parenting...
So Lydia loves her boyfriend, and he loves her, they have a great relationship.She did a pregnancy test and told her boyfriend, and they talked about it and they both think abortion is best. " Then why were you crying?" She doesn't know really.
We talk some more. I ask how she feels about the pregnancy, about her choices now and so on. She is afraid of telling her mom. Because her mom had her when she was 16, and warned her when she knew she was in a sexual relationship...
She says a little more about her family, how they all live in the same building, and her mom is 4 months pregnant, and the uncle could take care of the baby if she keeps it...
And little by little she starts telling how she had thought of keeping the baby, how to organize her life around it, and who could help and so on..
We usually show a dvd about abortion procedure (not a bloody real life one, just a 3D explanation, once again it's just information) we also have a more oriented dvd about "honest answers" that are just testimonies of women who went through parenting, adoption or abortion. It's more oriented because of course women there are sharing their own experience, and the one who chose abortion are definetly sad and bitter about it. (quote: "I thought abortion would end the problem, and my life would be back to before I got pregnant. But that was not true. It was never the same, and I remember it every day."
We stop the second movie before the end because she wanted to talk and explore the opportunities available to keep the baby. :)
Lydia is afraid. Like 99,9% of women who walk in our center. She is afraid of telling her mom. All she needed was someone to listen, and to take some time to evaluate her options, and her deep desires.
Then she talked to her boyfriend, and that was nasty. The guy kept saying " you can't do this to us." several times. And " I love you but we can't. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young. We can't we're too young." "You won't do this if you love me, if you love me..."
"we're together in this, we'll go together through this, but don't keep the baby. I'll be there with you no matter what, but don't keep the baby. Abortion is the only way for us"
Now this is love.
I still feel bad recalling it. She asked him to leave the room. He started petting her hair and using a softer voice to say the same stuff over and over again.
A more experienced councellor came in to talk with both of them...
I know her a little bit, her favorite motto is " it's not the baby the problem, it's the boyfriend, abort the boyfriend!"
Everytime I see something like this happening, I think about the movie "waitress" and I wonder a little more about women rights.
The more time I spend talking with women who are going through unplanned pregnancies, the more I think abortion is doing more AGAINST women rights than for them.
I don't know what Lydia will choose. I know any choice is going to be painful. She will probably break up with this guy, and she will suffer. Or she will stay with this asshole (I couldn't think of a nicer way to put it) and suffer even more.
If you read this post and believe in any superior power, please say a prayer for Lydia, and all women going throught this.
Previously "a frog's life", we now are settled in France, probably for a few more years. We now have two kids and big plans for our little garden. A sort of old fashioned American homestead 20 miles from Paris.
4 comments:
So, in essence, what the boyfriend was really saying is "I'll be there for you no matter what, but maybe not if you have this baby." Of course, he's probably pretty frightened too...of paying child support! :-P I agree with you that abortion really enables men to be asses.
I'll pray for her. And God bless you for doing what you do. The world is a better place...
By the way, I left you an award on my blog.
www.with-my-needle.blogspot.com
A lot of the early women's rights leaders in America saw abortion as another way for men to use and exploit women rather than any sort of tool for women's liberation.
A study that just came out shows that it's deadbeat fathers not supporting a woman and their child the first time that most often leads to second pregnancy abortions.
Praying for Lydia!
I'm glad you left a comment on my blog because I have enjoyed reading yours! I think it would be very cool to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center- what an amazing job!
My 4th. pregnancy came as a big shock to me. It was totally unexpected and I was convinced I would miscarry or die. My baby and I both made it through the pregnancy and now she is 15 months old and an absolute delight to me! She has been such a huge blessing!
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